My Heart Hates Me

I'm not gonna start with 'Once upon a time' because this tale is definitely not that old. I don't know if it's a tragedy or a happily ever after-- All I know is... It took me tons just to be part of this story of me and him. Because I was breathing dreams like air until he arrived.

Everyone has the freedom to fall in love with anyone they want, but things are not the same for everyone. 'Your life partner will be decided even before you're born'...How would anyone like that?

The tale goes like this, Lucus Garnette and Aruto Hiomi were best friends in high school. Aruto Hiomi belonged to a rich Japanese family while Lucus was a farmer's son. At that time, Aruto's family was staying in Berlin, while Lucus went to a Berlin school as there were no schools in Miltenberg. However, Aruto was quite open-minded and did not mind befriending Lucus. He helped Lucus financially and their bond deepened as they grew up. Soon, they became best friends.

After their graduation, Aruto decided to go back to Japan to take over his father's business while Lucus went back to his village to help his father with the fields but they were still in contact because of this great invention called a 'telephone'. They decided that to strengthen their friendship, they'll get their children married to each other.

I wasn't born till then, neither was Kirito.

After a year, the Garnette family was blessed with a beautiful daughter. She had bright blue eyes surrounded by long and beautiful eyelashes. Her pinkish white hair glorified her face with a tint of pink undertone on her cheeks and rose like lips.

Mr Lucus was overjoyed and sent for Aruto right away.

Under a dove grey sky, the colours of the world don its winter coats, each hue darker and richer than before. The path was sparkling and crunchy as they left their footprints. The air formed a frozen lace on their skin, delicate and cold, like winter waves on shallow sand. They reached a small house and knocked on the door when Mr Lucus Garnette, a blonde, meek man, opened it.

Ayato hugged Lucus and said "Congratulations"

They reached the baby's room, where the baby was lying wrapped up in a swaddling and soft white blanket near her mother. Mr and Mrs Hiomi looked at the baby girl. She was fast asleep with her small curls covering her face. "Aw," Both of them said together.

"She'll make the perfect bride for my son," Mr Hiomi said with a smile "What's her name?"

"We decided to name her Vivian, it means someone who is 'Alive and Energetic'" Lucus said "That's a beautiful name," Arito said "Then I'll name my son Kirito- the God of the valley of the alive" Mr Hiomi said.

So, my husband was meant to be a God I was supposed to worship for the rest of my life. I wish they had taken good care of him, for me at least... But they didn't. Five years passed, I was five years old then and Kirito was four.

Mr and Mrs Hiomi traced back the same path as he was walking down, on that winter dawn. It was autumn and the sky was barely visible due to the orange leaves of the trees. He kept his suitcase aside and knocked the same door again. The door opened and a woman with pink curls came out. As soon as she saw them, she smiled "It's been a while, Mr and Mrs Hiomi. And how are you, Kirito?" She said as she leaned towards Kirito. Kirito hid behind his mother. He was the shy type, well and I, I wasn't.

"Lucus is out for some petty business if you could wait here for a moment" Mrs Garnette said. "Where is Vivian?" Mr Hiomi asked.

"She's playing in the fields, why don't you go meet her," Mrs Garnette suggested with a smile. "Yes, I will," Mr Hiomi said as he got up and paced towards the field.

He wandered in the fields for some time until he found me, a girl sitting on a huge Jersey cow. I looked at Mr Hiomi and smiled "Do you want this berry uncle, you can take it, Vivian has many" Like all other five-year-old kids, I was stupid. But unlike all other five-year-old kids, I was going to be engaged.

He asked me if I knew him and of course, I didn't. I had never seen him before, that's what my memories said but was I right? Definitely, I wasn't. But, I did know about Kirito. In all my memory, even then, I could forget everything- thanks to my short term memory problems, but not Kirito's name. I was a slow learner, I could forget even my birthday, but not Kirito's.

Mr Hiomi leaned towards me and with a gentle smile, he said: "Vivian, I'm here from Japan and I-" "Oh! You're Kirito's father?" I was so excited for my own downfall. He was there to meet me-- Not because he liked me or he missed me-- He couldn't care less about that-- It was just that our parents had decided to get us engaged beforehand.

I left everyone for him... But he left me for everyone else. You know, Kirito Hiomi, he has always been this way. Shorter than most men with huge pride. I have to fight every time to catch his attention and every time we touched, never once did it feel right. How many times did I fall for you over and over again? Oh yeah, I didn't count-- I didn't know how to count heartbreaks yet.

So, we got engaged in the end and naturally, as a typical five-year-old, I was happy. I mean we ate cake! That was a big deal for me. But, I wasn't free now- Not anymore. As the days went by, my expectations grew. I thought goodbyes were closed chapters, but for you, they weren't. It felt like I was a page ripped out from one story and forcefully pasted in your book of life.

Mom brought storybooks of princesses and princes, angels, demons, mermaids, fairies, magic and what not to make me believe that magic exists. And like Cinderella, one-day Kirito will come to my place and take me away to a huge castle and angels would guide our way forever.