WRECKED STAR

~~TWELVE YEARS AGO~~

A shattered sound erupted below her bedroom and like every other night, her dreamland is interrupted. It pulled her out of sleep and into awareness of the hour.

Observing the sky through the open windows, she could tell from the thickness of the dark cloud that it is the hour of the Ox.

She isn't awed by the pollution caused by her parents, they are bound to it.

She yawned in frustration, nothing but a peaceful night's rest has always been her wishlist but as usual, her prayers have never been answered.

"You slutty bitch!"

Her father's angry voice from the living room below got her framed and curling in bitterness.

He is at it again.

She'd wonder how a slender man could own such a roar of a voice. His screaming the calm night into wary isn't a string on Susana, she has accustomed to the voice that fear no more lives in her.

"stay away from me!"

Hearing her mother, she feared instead for her. He is going to beat her up again even as he knows she can barely stand on both legs to defend herself due to her shaky arteries.

Mother always shudders uncontrollably most nights and tonight is one. Her shivers are there even when she holds the saucer of eggs every morning fixing breakfast for her.

The reasons for her unsteady muscles are unknown to Susana and she hopes her mother would stop being scared of Father and learns to be bold and fight back since it is down to it.

Weakness has never saved her and now, her pleas won't stop Father from hitting her either; it will only ignite him more.

"Tell me, Anna! What the fuvk did you do with him this time?"

He yelled louder causing Susana to quickly grab her robe and rush out to hopefully save her mother. Mother has warned her to stay in her room whenever she hears an argument like this one, sadly, she is not a child that listens.

Father's deafening yells came along with more smashes. She needs not to know what her mother did. At any cause, she doesn't deserve that ill-treatment.

Watching her mother succumb to weakness over time molded Susana into a fearless ten-year-old girl. She never wants to be in that helpless and pitiful state like her mother. The site is scornful.

"Stay away!....don't, please. Come no closer,"....slouching on the center table, Mother pleaded with Father in a whisper but all she receives were kicks, making her grunt in pain.

The more Susana descends the stairs the more fierce she grips the rails. Seeing the living room newly designed with broken bottles and of course, the two vases on the center table which were replaced days ago after a fight like this were equally shattered.

Standing at the foot of the stairs, she looked at her mother rowing on the floor like a crawler. She is neither crying nor screaming, her moans, are faint and her pale reddish face tells she is doomed. She will collapse in a minute and if it happens, she may remain comatose for ages.

Susana hastily walked over and scooped her ignoring the cuts under her feet. The broken objects in the room pierced her tender feet, leaving threats of blood covering every surface.

Susana is numbed from the cuts and shows concern only for her mother. Wrapping her little hands around her back, she tried helping but her mother is too heavy to behold. She retired and squat to feel her face. Mother lifted her face in agony.

Ohh, baby!"... Her mother weakly smiled at her which freed all the locked emotions Susan has been possessing.

"Momma."

"Go on....go back to your room now."

"Are you okay momma?"

She only dropped her face and grunted and stretched to get a better hold of the table. Susana knew her mother isn't okay but didn't know what else to say.

"I will call for help." She stood to grab the telephone. An ambulance or cop will do.

"No! no baby. Don't."

This is not the first time she would refuse help. She'd tell Susana that no one can help her, not even herself.

"Why again momma? You need help."

"Don't. Please."

Susana shoved the tears threatening to drop and decided to do as Mother want.

"Ok. No help. But can you walk?"

"Back to your room Susana!"

His voice interrupted, alerting her again of his presence. She has forgotten about him. He bent and forcefully pulled her from mother and like a pulse, she dashed towards him and pushed on his belly with all her strength.

"Leave her alone!"

She finally gave in to her emotions and she began to weep. She hated her state, she has become her mother, weak and helpless. She stood weeping into her palms.

"I hate you," she whispered into her palms.

She was inaudible, she only could hear those hate words. Mother told her never to use them but at the moment, she felt the adrenaline to explode her lungs with it.

'"I hate you!" She screamed unto her father's face.

She felt good and fearless once again. She watched as her father stared in bewilderment, which reproduced her courage...." I hate you...." she screamed again and more.

He retrieved his steps as his daughter kept screaming with her eyes shuts and veins widely exposed through her neck. Susana amidst her screams heard her father's heavy steps storming out of the living room and banging hard the entrance door.

One thing is certain, her father never hits her. He rather walks out at all times than turn her into a lunching box as he does to Mother.

He does not know. If only he knows she feels the same pain as when he inflicted it on her mother. He may not have hit her, but hitting her mother is no different and generates no forgiveness.

"Hey baby," she turned to her mother's voice and quickly reach to support her who was trying to adjust to a sitting position.

"Do not cry." Mother said amidst cough.

"Momma?"

"Wipe your tears, Susana....here, I will do that for you."

Mother raised her shaking hands to Susana's face and wiped some tears. She assisted her mother in doing the same, using her already wet palm to dry her tears.

"Good. I don't want you to ever waste a tear for me or anyone. Do you hear me, baby?"

"Yes momma."

Although her mother's words were clear and stern, her voice gives her away to frailty.

"You are shaking momma. Dada is no scarecrow. Ok, don't be afraid of him, momma."

Mother nodded. She never wanted Susana to see her like this. Before her birth, she had promised to be the best chapter of Guardian and ensures she never sees or lives in a panorama. She has failed. She brings nothing but worries upon her.

"Can you walk momma?"

"Get me some water, will you?"

Anna grunts in pain and watches her daughter run into the kitchen, she knew she has failed as a mother, but she hopes for redemption and time to make her life better. She took the water her daughter brought and led them afterward to bed. She assured Susan she doesn't need a doctor before petting her to sleep.

With a broken heart, she went downstairs to clean up the mess the fight had caused.