Scars & Shadows

It was going to be the birthday that would never come.

Daddy had meticulously arranged our trip to Disneyland, telling Mommy that her pretending to be sad would never happen because his little princess would only turn 10 once.

He sneered at her, sticking out his tongue at her for being unable to accompany us on our fantastic journey because she had to work. I put my arms around Daddy and started laughing uncontrollably, all the while my parents were deep in their never-ending argumentation, which was always entertaining to see.

I didn't even get a wink of sleep that night. Excitedly, I lay awake and stared at my customized Disney princess calendar, getting ready to mark the most important day on it: my birthday.

When I got up at five in the morning, my dad and I immediately had a plate full of pancakes, followed by my all-time favorite hot chocolate. When I was ready, Mommy and I waited in the hallway for Daddy to carry our suitcase downstairs. I opened the front door and let the light flow into the hallway, pale and peach, then shaded my eyes from the rising sun.

"Hurry up Daddy! I want to meet Mickey and Mini Mouse and Cinderella!"

As Daddy threw our bag down the corridor, Mommy gave him a sharp yell when it came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, causing a loud rumbling laughter to fill the space. To the sound of his car keys rustling, he sloped down the stairs.

He brushed my chestnut curls and slid passed me onto the porch, saying, "Easy there, baby!"

I smiled at Mommy's bewildered look as her gaze followed Daddy to his car. The last time I ever saw Mom smile the same unfettered grin she always let slip around Daddy, she grinned at him with the all too familiar caring, loving, and thankful smile they shared. He was the only one who could make her smile like that.

In an attempt to catch her attention, I pulled at the hem of her nightgown.

"Yes, honey?" she asked, grudgingly tearing her husband's bright, pale blue eyes away to look down at me.

I kissed her cheek as she knelt and let her arms wrap around me like a bear embrace.

"Enjoy your weekend and look after your daddy. Sometimes he forgets that he's a grown man."

"I heard that! Seraphina-baby tell your Mommy to stop being a meanie!"

I glanced at the tall man's approaching face and laughed quietly when he gave Mommy a sarcastic scowl. Daddy's chestnut curls shifted upon his forehead and his shirt rippled in a breeze gentler than a feather's kiss. He had the sun directly behind him, illuminating every lock with a glaring brightness that caused me to shade my eyes.

"We're not kids anymore Thomas."

That made Mommy smile with malicious intent.

She let out a little cry, "No, no, Thomas stay away from me!" as Daddy buried his face in her pale blonde hair and sank his fingers into her side, his chest rumbling with a loud laugh.

As he tormented Mommy, his amber eyes gleamed from the tangle of her fair hair, and winked at me.

"Your turn Seraphina-baby!"

Warm hands brushed my sides and neck, and I screamed.

Still a victim of Daddy's gigantic fingers, I cried frantically as I was lifted off the ground and onto his shoulder. "Stop tickling me!"

My frantic squeals were interrupted by a second voice, "Thomas, give her a break!"

I sent Mommy a beseeching glance while crying and gasping for air, and then I closed my eyes and laughed uncontrollably.

"That's enough," Mommy said, shoving Daddy away and giving him a cruel look.

Mommy's pale blue eyes melted as she clasped her hand to her mouth to stop herself from laughing at the constipated appearance and crossed golden eyes; nonetheless, I couldn't help but giggle when Daddy looked at her with a sheepish smile from behind his heavy lashes.

"Awwn lighten up Lucy. It's Seraphina's birthday!"

Then Mommy was pulled into a bone-crushing embrace, and her determination wavered.

Daddy whispered in her hair, "You expect us to act like old people, even though we're not even thirty."

Withdrawing, he embraced her cheeks and bent slightly till he was facing her at eye level. A somber expression took the place of any hint of humor.

"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?"

Mommy nodded, tearing her attention from his and meeting me with a smile.

She gave him a gentle glance. "Don't worry about me. Just enjoy yourselves."

I would have braced myself if I had anticipated it, but I screamed as soon as his lips touched hers. They grinned shyly as they jerked back, startled.

I covered my eyes, and the image burned into my consciousness, "That's gross, Daddy!"

"Oh don't be silly Sera! You'll have to put up with Tyrone's kisses. I mean, the kid adores you and you like him back and-"

My cheeks heated and Mommy muted Daddy's remarks. My cheeks flushed at the mention of my best friend's identical brother. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for even bringing out the Valentine's card my dad sent me seven months ago, since now he would never stop making fun of me when Kelvin and Tyrone Davis came over to play.

Reluctantly, he untangled his arms from Mommy's waist and clapped his hands together. "Okay, let's hit the road, kiddo."

Grasping my hand in his, he guided me to the car while whispering. Daddy bent over and inclined his head to the left, staring lovingly at me just before he opened the passenger door for me.

"Wanna know a secret about being in love kiddo?"

I looked at the green moss ring around his eye, pulled into those pools of molten gold lava, and then shook my head angrily in disgust.

"Love is for losers!"

He put a hand on my shoulder and grinned, saying, "There's still much for you to learn," before getting to his full height. "There's never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment..."

I pretended to gag when he trailed off and looked at Mommy, who was wiping tears from her eyes. He had a silly, melancholy smile on his lips. I tried repeating what he had said in my head, but I was at a loss for words.

Blinking once, then again, I stared at him, bewildered.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, Sera," he said, allowing me to get into the passenger seat and put on my seat belt.

As I wound down the window, I let the early sun warm my cheeks while I peered up at the flimsy peach clouds speckled with purple. It hit me again, this time with a frightening yet exuberant sense of expectation and excitement that made me gasp for air.

I had a Disneyland trip planned! We were finally able to finance the trip of my dreams after all these years!

Mommy padded towards the car and leaned through my window just as the engine started, making sure my seat belt was securely fastened before giving me one last kiss on my cheek. She darted over to Daddy's window and fussed a lot, asking all sorts of things. She let out a sigh of relief as she pulled on his seat belt.

"Seraphina, make sure your father keeps his seat belt on and his eyes on the road. We both know how he tends to start daydreaming at any given moment."

Upon meeting those melting eyes, I chuckled heartily as they crossed.

Daddy griped, "Lucy, stop worrying we'll be perfectly fine. It's only a six-hour drive," while Mommy fussed over his hair through the windshield of his automobile.

She stopped and stroked the furrow between her brows until it vanished. "Only? How can I not worry when you have the mental capabilities of a teenager? You're reckless Tom," she said. "Just remember to stay safe and make sure that Seraphina eats everything in her packed lunch. Call me when you guys check into the hotel. Okay?"

Daddy mimicked her nervous tone, "Okay Mom," as she planted one more, lingering kiss on him.

"I love you, Thomas."

I looked aside as Daddy ran his palm over her cheek and said, "Gross!"

"I love you too Lucy."

I was getting annoyed with them again because they were doing that cutesy "staring at each other in silence" thing.

Pale blue eyes met my golden ones as she backed away. I gave my mother's messy hair one more look and memorized it as she brushed her fingers through it, sweeping it past her shoulders just the way Daddy liked.

"Look after yourself and your father. I love you, Seraphina."

"I love you too Mom."

She called after the car as Daddy pulled out of the driveway, giving her a wink.

"Drive safely Thomas! Seraphina, make sure you eat all the fruits in your packed lunch!"

As we rounded the bend and laughed at her vanishing reflection in the rearview mirror, we could still hear her yelling in the background. I opened my hair and let the wind tousle my curls while I fumbled with the radio, trying to remember which Radio Disney channel to pick.

We stopped at the nearest gas station when I whined that I needed to use the restroom after spending hours singing along to the radio at the top of my lungs. While I vanished into the cramped bathroom, Daddy remained in the store. I was relieved to see a pair of glassy brown eyes observing me when I came back out. I walked up to the toy aisle and stuck out my arm to grasp the teddy bear that was staring right at me.

The snow-white fur slid between my fingertips and I thought, wow. I traced the tips of its pink ears and the outline of its carefree smile, which immediately put me at ease. I gasped as I turned the price tag over. Even with a bear so great, Daddy could not have afforded to spend fifty bucks on a toy. I'd overheard Mom gripe about how much Disneyland was costing us.

I knew full well that our situation paled in comparison to that of my closest buddy, Kelvin Davis. The Daviss were extremely wealthy and lived in a castle in contrast to our small two-bedroom home because her parents were lawyers who worked with the Supreme Court.

Daddy asked from behind, "You want that teddy, kiddo?"

I shook my head and hastily set the teddy down, reluctantly removing my eyes from its velvety fur after hearing his voice. As we made our way back to the car, he raised an eyebrow but said nothing more. I took a deep breath as I opened the passenger door and looked at the fluffy white bear that was occupying my seat.

"Daddy? What?" I gasped, my eyes wide with shock. "But how? How'd you know?"

I picked up the very same teddy bear I had seen in the store, and my mouth fell open. I took a seat and hugged my new animal buddy.

He winked and said, "Happy birthday, princess. Your daddy knows you a lot better than you think," while tying my seat belt.

I let out a big breath in amazement as he leaped into his seat, buckled up, and we drove away once more, singing our favorite songs along the way.

"Daddy, I love you," I said with a smile.

With a wink, his bright eyes met mine as he tousled my hair.

"I love you more Seraphina-baby."

I gave my new companion the name Woolie and gave it a reassuring stroke of white fur. I relaxed back in my chair and started to hum along with the radio, feeling at ease. Daddy spared me a glance, but his eyes shone with their customary brilliance, and I couldn't help but smile at the warm smile that swept across his lips. I was going to whisper my gratitude to him, but my hair was flapping against my cheeks. Despite this, I maintained eye contact.

Only a booming horn drowned it out, so I never got the chance. My lips continued to move, silently working, but all I could hear was my name and the repetitive sound of the horn.

I followed my eyes to Daddy's mouth as I watched his eyes pop out of their sockets. I was curious about what he was saying when I saw his face contort in pain as his voice eventually reached my ears over the loud horn.

"SERAPHINA!"

No time for us to respond. Not enough time to reflect. The warning trumpet was an unplanned, unexpected event that came too late.

I didn't start screaming until the car started to flip upside down, letting go of Woolie and showering us in glass. We tumbled like laundry in a washing machine, twisting and spinning in the air, and my cries were silenced by the seat belt digging into my chest. The bell kept blaring, sounding almost as loud as my heart pounding. My head suffered many cuts from the jagged glass as my body abruptly surged forward, sending my skull crashing through the windscreen. I then jerked back into the passenger seat. The honking horn went on for a few more seconds and then stopped.

After that, silence fell.

My breathing became difficult as panic took hold of my throat and darkness encroached on my vision. I let out a sigh of relief only after realizing that my eyelids were closed. Suddenly, they opened on their initiative and looked about the damage, only to realize we had landed facedown.

I could see an orange hue flickering through everything in my field of vision.

I glanced to my left as my mind battled through the haze, suddenly adjusting to what had just happened. A sharp cry from my throat, releasing itself as though it had been shackled to it for a thousand years.

I cried out, fumbling with my seat belt and forgetting that we were upside down. "DAAAADDDDDDYYYYYYY!"

After overcoming tremendous resistance, it finally clicked open, and I fell toward gravity, hitting my head on the roof in agonizing pain. My eyesight went black, then came back to normal; everything was hazy.

"DADDY, WAKE UP!"

Scrambling towards his lifeless body, I took a quick breath and inhaled the entire crushed left side of his body. His contorted limbs within the car door made me sick to my stomach since I could not tell where the flesh ended and the metal began. A merging nightmare of black, and dark red was what it was.

I raced towards my dad, squirming from the rising tickling of heat. By now the whole car was bathed in an odd orange glow that made it look like we were driving through a volcano.

I whirled around, letting out another high-pitched cry. To reach us, flames were licking the car's backseats and creeping down the windows. As they battled their way toward us, their vicious claws devoured the leather seats and destroyed everything in their path.

"DADDY! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

I started to scream again, but as I opened my mouth, thick black smoke clung to my lungs, choking me. Severe tears poured down my cheeks, and I angrily brushed them away before bending to remove Daddy's seat belt.

This was not good.

I threw my head back, spat again, and sobbed as his whole left side—including the seat belt—was crushed so deeply into the automobile.

How was I going to free him?

I heard someone say, "SOMEBODY CALL 911!" from outside the vehicle.

The roar of the engine startled me into action, even above the far-off screaming from outside. With a trail of red left behind, I scampered out of the passenger window, cringing as the broken glass embedded itself in my skin. I hardly had time to register the shock of the throng of people observing me, including the inebriated lorry driver whose tummy was bulging out of his beer-stained waistcoat. I was looking around for something sharp. His eyes, which had been widened in terror but were now sober, bulged at the sight of his car with a big dent where it had struck our car.

"Oh my god, she's alive!" exclaimed a woman.

I climbed back into the car, blinded by the clouds of black smoke, and picked up a big shard of broken glass. I was blinded and my eyes were watering scarlet tears as I looked around for Daddy's seat belt and kept jabbing at it with the glass.

Another voice called out from outside, "SHE'S GONE BACK IN! SOMEBODY GET HER OUT!"

Even though the seat belt was still stuck, I made every effort to unfasten it so that I could liberate Daddy. They started to lick his arms, and the heat from the flames made me want to back away from the burning car, but I gripped the glass harder and worked more quickly. As blood poured down my hands, all I could manage to say was a frustrated yell as I attempted to hack through the last few fibers holding the seat belt in place.

I whined again, "Come on, come on, come on," and then I screamed in agony as the flames sprang onto my bare arms and began to dance up and down like a quick waltz.

I sprung, let go of the glass shard in my hand, and moved backward, watching in terror as the flames consumed Daddy, licking every inch of him.

"DADDY! DADDY! NO! PLEASE NO!"

Snowy watched as I slumped into a heap at the foot of the passenger seat, shoving her out of my way. I watched helplessly as my dear father vanished beneath bursts of orange, red, and yellow. I ignored the approaching sirens that screeched to a halt a few feet away while I listened to the crackling flames and shivered whenever the engine groaned explosively.

I kept saying, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy," as I tried to reach into the smoldering fire to hold his hand.

I wanted to take care of him, grasp his hand. Even though I knew it wouldn't be okay, I tried to reassure him that everything would be fine.

I lied to myself, thinking he would hear me one last time, and murmured, "Daddy, we're going to Disneyland remember? Please...Please come out!"

By now the flames were creeping out of the windows and along the outside of the car, turning it into a furnace throughout. I flinched from the intense heat, yet I was frozen—locked in time, frozen in a nightmare, frozen in position.

I was being pulled away from the car, the flames, and my father when all of a sudden a hand wrapped around my ankle.

I screamed, "Let me go!" and swung my legs at the firefighter, causing him to tenderly transfer me to a paramedic.

She reassured me, "Shh, don't worry little girl," as her gentle brown eyes came into my view.

"You have to save my Daddy! You have to!"

Racing me to her squad, she started the agonizing trek to the ambulance.

I let out one more agonizing cry, "DADDYYY!" before giving in and allowing them to carry me away from him.

A voice broke through my thoughts as they were lowering me into the ambulance's rear, dispelling the haze that was taking over my thoughts. As she kept repeating herself, I closed my eyes and tried to contain my convulsive tears.

Whispering the same words over and over again, pale blue eyes darted across my consciousness.

"Look after your daddy."

The sirens were blaring overhead as I saw the doors shut in on me, hanging my head in shame. The paramedic held my hand while her colleagues jabbed and prodded at me, causing severe pain that made me cry even harder. I glanced up at her compassionate brown eyes. I let out a heartbreaking cry as I gripped my blood-soaked curls and heard the sirens' unceasing blare overhead.

"Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!"

As the sirens continued to blare, her brown eyes enlarged slightly and burned with profound pity.

I whined in a weak voice, "Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop."

The sirens continued to sound nonstop.

"Please, make it stop."