In a Time of war and living in a war zone where life and death is unknown love becomes a luxury specially after traumatic events that causes an illness that's called Alyxithemia which leads to difficulty identifying, understanding, and expressing their own emotions. People with alexithymia may have trouble recognizing and describing their feelings, distinguishing between emotions and bodily sensations, and understanding the emotions of others. This can lead to challenges in interpersonal relationships and self-awareness
Title of the Novel: "My Sanctuary in a Time of Lifelessness"
Introduction :
"I'm not doing well. Can someone please fill me in on what's going on!"
You ask me how I feel, so I'll tell you: I don't know. My heart swings in many rooms I don't have the keys to. Every day, my interest in others fades, and a spark in my eyes diminishes. I want to call out to you, but you don't listen. Society gave me emotions and left me with knowledge, but my failure in its lessons indicates my lack of understanding of emotions and explaining their concepts.
I am "linguistically weak." I long for many things, so don't blame me if you don't find completeness to fill your emptiness. I won't cry for your condolences, nor will I rejoice in your happiness. I can't read your expressions, and likewise, you won't understand my inner self.
I see a colorful world through the window, yet I see only one color from it. I am "emotionally dull." My soul doesn't speak your language.
how terrifying to not express in a time where raging fire is everywhere we see ..
we live a war but I m unable to cry of fear.
Chapter One: "Time of Massacres"**
We left books on the shelves to be eaten by dust and robbed of their youth, and we abandoned memories to heal on their own and take buried pages.
An era that lives us and draws life from us, squeezing us until we become a drink quenching its thirst. We must not let our hands slacken; war doesn't forget or leave, fear isn't in losing but in waiting for the end that takes our lives.
"We don't live, and we don't die," this is the truth in our unknown world.
We left casual conversations in this solitary house, and we delved into the topic that preoccupies every household during this 'raging war.' In a world like this, I lost my voice and lived my days slowly. I know that time is slipping away from me, my soul caught in a whirlpool I couldn't escape. With every lost battle, it loses a piece of itself, and on the other hand, I feel my sense of belonging dwindling towards those around me.
I hope I don't wake up at night with a strangeness that makes me search for my reflection in a mirror It hadn't known how to express features that don't belong to me. I don't understand the identity of the emotions that sneak into me and don't go beyond the surface of my face, but I drown... and I don't know how to swim, and this is not a river I can survive in.
"wafa, my daughter, come join us for dinner."
I heard my mother's call coming from the living room, tired and completely weak, just like how it was left by her illness. I hurried to join them for dinner. I placed the final dishes on the table and sat with the family in a rare gathering.
I lifted my eyes to those present; we were six people, and I drowned in their expressions. I wish to remember them in their calm and cold state, and I plead not to forget the feeling that comes from their smiles that fade within me.
"wafa, what's on your mind, my daughter?"
The man next to me asked in a husky, deep voice, but I couldn't respond; my silence conveyed a lot. And suddenly, amidst my silence, I felt warmth in my father's voice as he spoke cautiously, unaware of what was happening inside me.
I struggled to rise from my seat, withdrawing into the darkness that makes me feel safe.
Heads turned towards me, focusing on my expression and anticipating my answer, only to be met with complete silence from me, redirecting their attention to their fingers playing with the food on their plates.
It's not that I didn't want to answer, but in that moment when the question fell upon me, it felt impossible to find the right words. So, I fell silent, thinking... and my silence lingered, my fingers halted their movement towards my plate, and I lost all desire to continue eating my meal.
"Doesn't the meal suit your taste?" he asked.
"It's not that. I'm just full, so excuse me," I replied simply, as if our recent interaction hadn't elapsed for a considerable time.
around this table sit a man with thin muscular bone structure and wavy short hair and glory brown skin and night eyes, I noticed his eyes on me since the very first moment I sat while he kept feeding his little sister of 5 years old who's nesting in his arms unaware of her brother's inner struggle.
he looked at me sidelong as I focused on them absentmindedly. This person in front of me, whom we're supposed to be soul mates , souls wandering until they met and found belonging...
He really knows nothing of what afflicts me.
I rose wearily from my seat and withdrew to the place that would drown out these voices rising within me. I would return to that darkness, and as soon as they stepped into it, I would feel my body empty and my mind discard all thoughts... It's an addiction of another kind, one I fear entering, but I fear even more that unfamiliar whirlpool that devours me beyond its orbit.
"So, what have you decided?"
As I stood, my grandfather's vo
Looking at the divorce papers my lips curled up into a mocking smile. 'How big fool I am? How can I think that he will give a chance to this marriage? How can I forget that I was nothing more a tool in his eyes to vent his anger until his beloved Tara is back. Since, she was back, how can he let me stay there?' "After you will sign these papers, you will receive 100 million dollars as alimony." the lawyer added. Because of his words, I came back to my senses took the pen from him, and signed the name. I have also gotten exhausted from this marriage both physically and mentally. Even though I had wanted my child to be born into a complete family, I didn't want my child to have a stepmother and live miserably like me for the rest of his life. After taking the papers from my hand, the lawyer gave me the bank card, turned around, and was about to leave when he paused at the door. He then turned around and added, "Mr. Carter said that he hoped that you won't pester him, or you have to bear the consequences." The lawyer's words were like a knife stabbing in my heart, but I still nodded. Anyway, I also don't plan to have anything to do with him anymore. I just want to live a good life with my children. After the lawyer left, the ward fell into silence. I placed my hand on my belly and said to my children, "Baby, I am sorry, Mommy can't give you a complete family! But I promise you, I will do my best to give the love of both mother and father." 'As for giving one of my child, I will never do that. They are my babies and my alone. I and I will give birth to all of them and raise them no matter what.' Four Years Later... Anya came back to the country with her three kids, to inherit the company left by his grandfather...
It was supposed to be a marriage of convenience, but Carrie made the mistake of falling in love with Kristopher. When the time came that she needed him the most, her husband was in the company of another woman. Enough was enough. Carrie chose to divorce Kristopher and move on with her life. Only when she left did Kristopher realize how important she was to him. In the face of his ex-wife’s countless admirers, Kristopher offered her 20 million dollars and proposed a new deal. “Let’s get married again.”
For ten years, Daniela showered her ex-husband with unwavering devotion, only to discover she was just his biggest joke. Feeling humiliated yet determined, she finally divorced him. Three months later, Daniela returned in grand style. She was now the hidden CEO of a leading brand, a sought-after designer, and a wealthy mining mogul—her success unveiled at her triumphant comeback. Her ex-husband’s entire family rushed over, desperate to beg for forgiveness and plead for another chance. Yet Daniela, now cherished by the famed Mr. Phillips, regarded them with icy disdain. "I’m out of your league."
"Sign the divorce papers and get out!" Leanna got married to pay a debt, but she was betrayed by her husband and shunned by her in-laws. Seeing that her efforts were in vain, she agreed to divorce and claimed her half of the properties. With her purse plump from the settlement, Leanna enjoyed her newfound freedom. The constant harassment from her ex's mistress never fazed her. She took back her identities as top hacker, champion racer, medical professor, and renowned jewelry designer. Then someone discovered her secret. Matthew smiled. "Will you have me as your next husband?"
Daisy is the illegitimate daughter of Mr. Hubert. His company went bankrupt, so he asked for help from Drkov's house. They agreed to help Mr. Hubert but with one condition. One of his two daughters must marry their nephew - Atlas Drkov. Atlas Drkov is a billionaire but he is disabled and uses a wheelchair. Yaretzi - daughter of Mr. Hubert's official wife - does not accept marrying a disabled man. She and her parents made a plan. They kidnapped Daisy's mother, threatened her, and forced her to marry Atlas. To save her mother, she accepted. However, after getting married, she fell in love with this man, and so did he. Difficulties start from here.
Rose looked at the reports in her hand and was in shock... The reports said that she was one month pregnant, however, how can she get pregnant when she didn't have any man in her life... "Was it because of that dream? Could I get pregnant because I have sex in my dream?" She thought... She didn't have any mental problems, however, except for this she can't able to think about anything... However, she still didn't get out of her surprise when she met the man in her dream... Kevin Davis looked at the reports in her hand and asked, "Is this child mine?" However, Rose didn't answer but asked... "Was that night not a dream?" Kevin was angry because it was his first time and she thinks it was a dream... Kevin forced her to marry him however, Rose didn't want it... She wanted to abort the child but he didn't let her... In the end... Rose agreed to marry him... She looked at Kevin's blue eyes and said, "I will marry you, however, I had two conditions..." "First, after marriage, you can't control my freedom, I still had the right to do whatever I want. Don't worry I won't harm the child." "Second, if I ever found out that you had cheated behind my back then I will leave with my child and you can't stop me..." Both of them got married... However, after she falls in love with him... She found there are hidden secrets in his past...