How To Love Again In Life

Aysel

The phrase "And they lived happily ever after" was actually all bullshit. There is no happily ever after. At least for me.

I used to believe I could have a happy ending but I knew that was far fetched as long as Celestine was still around.

So here I was, standing with my mate on our third rescheduled bonding ceremony about to take our blood oath.

I had imagined this moment countless times, when I would finally become Damon's mate in the eyes of every pack in the region.

Damon stood before me, his ceremonial blade already drawn across his own palm. His eyes met mine with that familiar intensity that had once made my heart race. Now, after so many delays, I felt only a hollow anticipation.

"By blood and bond," the Elder intoned, his voice carrying through the grand hall of the Blackwood pack, "let this union be sealed before the ancestors and all who bear witness."

I reached my bleeding hand toward Damon and just as he raised his to meet mine, a scream split the air.

Celestine burst through the doors barefoot in a white dress that trailed behind her. Her dark hair was wild around her face, and her eyes, those eyes that had always looked at me with barely concealed malice, were wide with feigned terror.

"Kael!" she shrieked, stumbling forward. "Kael, you're alive! I knew it! I knew they lied to me!"

My blood continued to drip from my open palm and I saw a flash of triumph in her eyes that only Skylar and I seemed to catch.

She was crying and reaching for my mate with trembling hands.

"Kael, please...I've been so lost without you. Please don't leave me again."

Evelyn, my mother or better still her mother, because she seemed to have forgotten that I was her daughter ever since Celestine came. She gathered Celestine in her arms, stroking her hair with a tenderness she had never shown me.

"My darling, my sweet girl," She murmured, her voice breaking. "You're safe. No one is leaving you."

And then my brother, my older brother, who had always been distant but had never actively chosen against me, also rushed forward.

Damon's hand fell away from mine and he rushed down the dais without even looking at me. He had that guilty expression I had grown to despise.

"Another relapse," he murmured to my mother as he took Celestine from her hands. "I'll handle it."

Relapse? As though she had an illness. As though she wasn't standing there, fully aware of what she was doing and relishing every moment of it.

I almost screamed out. Are you all blind? She is pretending!!! But I knew that if I did that I would be the crazy one.

I watched them gather around her, my mother, my brother, my betrothed and I felt my face burn with humiliation. The assembled guests, representatives from a dozen packs, whispered among themselves. I caught some fragments of their murmurs.

"...poor thing, she never recovered from Kael's death..."

"...Damon is so honorable to care for her like this..."

"...perhaps it's time to reconsider the arrangement. Celestine should be his mate, it's only right..."

"...she was Kael's wife, after all. The brother should..."

Through everything I remembered what Celestine had told me the day before.

She had found me in the garden when I had been alone, trimming the rose bushes my mother had planted when I was a child.

"The ceremony is tomorrow," she had said. "I do hope it goes better than the last two attempts."

I had continued pruning, refusing to give her the satisfaction of a reaction. "It will."

"Will it?" She had circled me slowly, "You know, Aysel, I've always admired your persistence. It's almost admirable, how you keep trying even when everyone knows you'll fail."

"Everyone?" I had stopped pruning then, turning to face her. "Is that what you think?"

Her smile had been a beautiful, terrible thing. "I don't think it, cousin. I know it. Damon will always choose me. It doesn't matter that you've been promised since childhood. It doesn't matter that you want this match. What matters is that I am Kael's widow, and Damon owes me. He will always owe me."

"You're not even trying to hide it anymore."

"Why would I?" She had laughed. "Who would believe you? You're the jealous cousin, the bitter girl who couldn't accept that her betrothed's heart belonged to someone else. They'll see what I want them to see, a grieving widow, a woman driven mad by loss. And you'll be the villain, just like you always were."

I had gripped my shears so tightly my knuckles turned white. "You don't love him. You never even loved Kael."

"Love?" She had tilted her head, considering the word as though it were a foreign concept. "Perhaps not. But I love what he represents. Power. Position. And I will not let you take that from me, little cousin. Tomorrow, when I interrupt your precious ceremony, I will make certain everyone sees you for what you truly are."

"People will see through it..."

"No one would see through it." She had stepped closer. "By this time tomorrow, Damon will be mine. He will reject you in front of everyone, and you will be left with nothing. Just as you deserve."

I had stood frozen as she walked away

"See you at the ceremony, cousin. Try not to cry too hard when it all falls apart."

Now, watching her performance unfold, I realized she had been right about everything.

Celestine was wailing now, clutching at Damon's clothes with desperate hands. "Kael, why are you wearing your brother's clothes? Why are you pretending to be Damon?" She looked wildly around the hall, her eyes landing on me. "Who is she? Kael, tell me who she is!"

Damon knelt beside her, trying to calm her down. "Celestine, look at me. I'm not Kael. Kael is gone. I'm Damon, remember?"

"No!" She recoiled as though struck. "You're lying! You're trying to trick me!" Her gaze found me again, and this time the malice was unmistakable, though only I could see it. "Is it her? Are you leaving me for her?"

Gasps rippled through the crowd. I heard someone whisper, "The poor thing can't even understand what's happening. How cruel of Lady Aysel to continue with the ceremony knowing Celestine's condition."

Damon glanced at me then with a pleading look in his eye. He was telling me to be patient like always.

I had seen that look so many times over three years. Now, I felt nothing but despair. I didn't even feel angry, that would have required energy I no longer possessed nor sadness because that would have required tears, and I had cried so many over Celestine's manipulations that I had none left.

So it was just despair.

"You need to reject her," Celestine was saying."Kael, if you love me, you'll reject her right now. Tell her you choose me. Tell her..."

"Celestine, you're not well..." Evelyn began.

"Reject her!"

Damon was going to do it. I could see it in his posture, in the way he glanced at me with that apologetic expression, already preparing his excuses.

The blood had dried now but my wedding gown was ruined.

I remembered the day Celestine arrived, a thin, frightened girl of eleven, clutching a single bag. Her parents had died in a border fight, and my mother had taken her in without hesitation. She had been so determined to make Celestine feel welcome.

I had tried, too. I had shown her my room, introduced her to my dolls and offered to share my sweets. She had smiled at me and thanked me with such sweet sincerity that I would never had believed that she didn't like me.

It had taken years for me to understand that my cousin hated me. She had slowly turned my family against me, starting with my brother, then my mother, and finally my father who was also by her side right now. She played the victim so perfectly that no one ever questioned her.

And then she had mated with Kael because he was the heir to the Blackwood pack. Now she wanted to take Damon, too. And she was succeeding.

Skylar, my best friend who was standing beside me, couldn't stand it anymore.

She burst through the crowd, her face contorted with rage. "This is lies! Can't any of you see what she's doing? She's faking it! She was completely fine yesterday... I saw her laughing in the garden......"

Celestine screamed as though she had been struck, clutching at Damon's arm. "She's attacking me! Kael, make her stop!"

Damon moved before I could react, shoving Skylar away with more force than was necessary. My friend stumbled backward and her head struck the edge of a pillar as she fell to the floor.

"Skylar!"

I rushed forward and fell to my knees beside Skylar. There was blood, so much blood, and I pressed my hand to the wound. She sat up with a dazed look.

"Skylar, are you okay?" I asked franctically.

She tried to smile "Aysel... I'm fine, as okay as anyone with a head wound can be."

"Okay, stop talking. Let's take you to a healer."

Celestine was still wailing, still demanding rejection. "Kael, you have to choose! Please! I can't bear it...I can't bear watching you with someone else!"

Damon was torn, I could see it in his eyes. He wasn't cruel but Celestine's hold on him was firm, forged in guilt and obligation.

"I," he began in a strained voice, "Kael Blackwood......"

But I was done with this. I was done with all of this!

"Damon," I cut in.

Damon turned to me startled.

I looked at him, with cold bitterness. "I, Aysel Stormborn, reject you Damon Blackwood as my mate." I finished.