ves don

am not

hat I am doing is gathering information, and there is a diffe

m the office, told my manager I had a dentist appointment, and sat at the kitchen table w

for everything. His birthday. October third. Even after t

mber in under

ved in his contacts a

he calls are never short. Forty minutes. An hour. Once, on a Wednesday night three weeks ago when Derek t

d forty-sev

h that fo

pen thei

f surface-level catching up that could almost pass as friendship if you

from six weeks ago

's a pity things didn'

her because Derek's repl

t meant to be. Doesn't

g

air and press my fin

in the house we moved into eight months ago, at the table where we eat dinner eve

reath. I k

ere. A memory there. The kind of conversation that starts as nostalgia and b

go they are tal

s have shifted to something

exactly how to m

ne is

it for a

one by one, methodical and unhurried, like a woman who has all the time in

in the thread i

wait to see

long. I'll sort t

derson project. Tw

nd I drink it anyway because throwing it across the room would be satisf

I am a think-first, move-second, make-sure-you

ille, baby, the most powerful thing in any room is

ot raise

acebook

Cal

e, no oversharing, no public drama. A few photos. His job listed as someth

dy hi

w. Dark hair cut short. Eyes that are doing something thoughtful even in a casual photo. He is standing beside a ca

hat I am about to show h

est button before I can

it back

es on the table

re

lunch together toda

ming. Trul

appointment, remember

s a hea

art

rek said would be a project we could do as a couple, the one I mostly did alone because he was always busy, and I think

ptop

p it

as accepted my

earing in my message i

an sent you

lic

kno

talk. No "hey" or "hi there

that ac

ut I think your wi

ree dots appea

n s

start

something cold settles in my chest because this man a

bad