en miss

n and the cold just keeps spreading. Through my che

n from

umber I do n

om my

fat

would mean having the conversation and neither of us was ready for the conversation. The one where I tell him that championing Mar

t mo

he is

ver hour

I was asleep. I was warm and asleep in a way I had not been in years and my

out that sit

thing about last night happened in isolation. I walked out of a marriage in the most visible restaurant i

ple

se peop

nd flat again

t those two u

call th

call Ma

r quarter of Crestholm City and I think about exactly four se

s on the f

mediately, before I can answer, "And

vo

y ear and something in my chest just collapsed sideways like

okay,"

al

g." My voice is steady bu

already unloc

arly morning is a

my pocket and I am aware of how I must look. A woman from the night before making her way home in heel

stays i

t called again this morning. That tells me something. Marcus does not stop when he wants something. He s

thinking about

w tig

p wal

the smell of something warm drifting out onto the cold morning air. I pass a woman walking a dog. A man in a delivery uniform loading boxes from a van. The o

ld did

e d

t m

hat for

he corner onto

says everything you need to know about Nadia. The city around her can be grey and cold and indiff

s her

pen before the so

the s

e is already there on the other side of it and she takes one look at me. One full l

back witho

ets m

ace. Colour everywhere. A deep rust couch with too many cushions. Prints on the wall that she chose because she loved them a

n the mid

my bag

ches. I did not know I was holdi

he kitchen with

achine start

at requires me to respond. She just drapes it over my shoulders and it is warm and it smells like her apartment a

n

u

he chair with the missing bu

wa

on the

e blanket

ft open. At the mug she was drinking from before I called. At the ordinary ev

not ask

fill the sile

lets me be in the room with her wi

w I know s

fee disappear

rning come up slowly outside her window. The sky going from dark grey to lighter grey. The city

my mug wit

the sec

he steam ri

en I s

eft

imple. Two words tha

ays, "I

ok a

h hands. Her eyes on me. Steady a

ad

rs." She pauses. "I just did not know which night would be

her eve

at something I said and going back and back and finding nothing. I tell her about the bathroom and

ay she always listens, with her whole body orien

e bar and ordering something strong and the bartender who poured without askin

till when I get

er about

red instead of assumed. The things we said to each other in a bar at midnight

The empty pillow. The cool s

the apartment

at me for a

her mug d

ill at the rest

nter," I say.

thes out

kno

those bath

ow, N

ses her

s her mu

she does when she is choosing which of the many t

looks b

done in your life," she says. "And I need you to understa

inside me

too long finally gets air. The kind where you did not know you were waiting f

la

broken. A little too c

hand over

watc

g to tell me I wa

softening it. "The stranger part. That part had some real s

ka

ead. Her voice goes quieter. Firmer. "Tw

ck into t

at the

ciding. I blink twice and hold it back and just breathe and let t

ars to

ed at me and said Val, this man is not good for you. Val, you

er she w

home to

another

he apartment is his. The car is in his name. I walked out of that restau

figure

to find somewhere to live.

al

to think

firm and warm at the s

ok a

with the missing button. Her elbows

and you sleep and you let your body catch up to what your brain did last night." She tilts her

yes

say. "There are seventeen

l still be th

s goi

certain. "I have watched him do it for five years. I know exactly how Marcus Ashton operates when something does not go the way he

ok a

here in her rust coloured chair at seven in the morning because I called and she answered on the first

s with how mu

I say

," sh

stan

You cannot have a crisis on an

very spec

ving toward the kitchen. "Take your sh

ll on. I have been wearing t

by the couch and put my bare feet on her war

a s

itchen are ordinary and real. Nadia talking to herself about whether she has

n my

my bare

r. Palm up. T

l no

ll

l ri

zzes on the

rom where I

ecause the kitchen sounds pause

t from acro

een is

what it say

looks at the phone on the table and something moves across her face. Care

icks

e couch and she

e screen tow

a phot

read society page. The one that runs in every wealthy household in

tograph

of Aurum's

on

uarter profile by whatever camera or phone was positioned just right

mped la

s Sources inside confirm Mrs Valerie Ashton left her fifth anniv

at the

goes ve

m and Nadia is still beside me. But inside me everything goes com

ad a c

ey were ready for it or they were watching and they got the shot and twelve hours lat

s reading this with

nd knowing the whole city is seeing it and knowing

like narratives

ching," Nadia

lways watch

ng Marcus Ashton's wife meant being visible. Meant being a figure in a story the city was always writing. Me

or a few hours, in a bar wit

t the a

s up on the cu

rc

ll

fiftee