t that effort into it. I needed to let that go, anyway; Neil wasn't going to compare me in Old Navy to Valerie in Versace and go, "Gosh, Sophie looks so ugly that I have now forgot

.M. tour shirt and gray sweatpants, so clearly we didn't need to make an impression. I put on a green

itting room. Valerie wa

e pushed up her arms, and her elbows were braced on her knees. She s

e coffee table from her. His jaw was tight, his eyes utterly hum

ession wavering somewhere between uncertai

il told her. The coldness in his voice could ha

ail a thumbtack over the surface of a balloon. Whatever was about to blow up, I w

ut a name to it, it would have been a combo of wari

or portmanteaus

ed her throat. "Sophie, your bo

was on The New York Times list. "Ye

was asking permission to do something horrible. "You k

sure was jumping around. "He said he w

rd Neil use his current tone on a few occasions, and they'd all been serious as fuck. Like when I'd casually

was rea

sion he cut her. To me, she said, "Stephen is a television presenter now, and he's

owing," I a

will include some chapters about his involvement in the BDSM lifestyle. A large

's going to reveal intimate details of

his-" Valerie began, and it seemed l

ou had better find some way to c

hrough an Elwood and Stern compan

quickly silenced by two nasty glares. "Sorry

He turned his ire on Valerie. "He is your

"All these years later, what could he possibly have to say? So, people will know that you're into the whole dominati

iating to have your personal proclivities described for an audienc

ve me a slight shake of his head,

n this point, but he won't budge,"

e spanked and slapped during sex, but if someone found out, it wouldn't be the end of the world. "Neil, there ar

people reading those four books you've cited are likely biography enthusias

public eye, more so than Neil. The salacious memoir of a television personality will se

Neil said, "And that rich man is about to get married. Perhaps his fiancé's family

and people would naturally assume that he'd been going through a phase. But before I could say it,

other, for exampl

rew wide as I stared at Valerie. "You ha

. Stephen says that I have to stop 'clinging to the past.' He cha

m? For libel?" I looked from Val

minded me. "And I did sleep with him. A law

lishing, if we can, and put a halt to the book entirely,"

l rubbed his hands on his knees then stood. Sitting was in

look at the situation. You're going to try to buy the company. If it works, no probl

ch to explain to an outsider. I was pretty sure she'd forgotten that I used to work in the media-at least, in an arm of the media-and had relegated me to official trophy wife s

lved, right? If it doesn't work,

tions marching down the street toward our house. "Our problem, right now, is that it takes a long

ore attention to it," Valerie said. "Public perception is important to our jobs. We're not celebrities, bu

understand. Neil had retired. He didn't need to wor

need to come out of retirement. At least for a time." He swo

first time she'd suggested it. Was that why he was so angr

aking him up more than it should. Not that I knew how upset one should be when discovering that their former lover was writing a tell-all

etting Neil. Pure horror replaced the blood flowing t

, Valerie, for letting us know ab

nowledge me. "Neil, d

was my house, too. I could

need to have some time alone to discus

She sounded bewildered that I would

'll call." I wasn't mean, but firm. I had to talk to Neil right

ack wool coat she'd tossed over the other ar

e I will. At the moment, though, it so

d her to the

feeling helpless and wanting to help at the same time. But, aside from the business aspect and her possible intervention with her brother, this wasn't

room. Neil wasn't there. I went to the kitchen and f

iously. "You know it

tle on the counter. "It's not befor

was "in no mood." I leaned against the refrigerator and crossed my arms. I didn't s

though I was sure that would com

rkscrew in. "Please don't patronize me, S

en. Is there anything you want to tell me tha

ing. I knew, without having to ask. But I did, a

gust. "Don't use that wo

I didn't know why he felt there was a dist

from the dishwasher a

like to get shot with a paintball gun at close range. "He c

wine in his glass in one gulp. "Step

ites about it, p

he's an excellent Dom. He never believed his behavior was abusive. He told me the problem w

ook as he lifted

had happened. If Neil wanted to tell me, I wou

asked, "Do yo

he flinched at the very mention. "No. Pleas

d. My usually unshakeable Neil was fractured and falling now. Because of Stephen, because of Neil's memories of him, and I couldn't do anything ab

nything for y

stupor," he snapped. "Without judgment

ave a drink in this situation, another part recoiled at his defensiveness

uff. His anger was only directed at me, I knew, because if he were angry

you want to be alone, righ

"Don't be histrionic, Sophie. I'm not goin

yourself," I insisted, walking up beh

"Can you change the past? Can yo

ee Runólf and Geir off. They didn't need to hear us having

but it was hard. I wanted to scream, but I wanted to

e stairs, he turned for his den. Once he was in tha

e with you so that you don't g

led me less than the sudden violence of the act itself. I'd never seen Neil so out of control. He was breathing heavily, staring in

, I guess," I said, just to break

ter a long time. "That wa

ou feel better?"

ed, but s

now. But he wasn't prone to such destructive outbursts, and I didn't know how to handle him like this. I didn't want to make it worse for him, or make him

ere full of tears. "I'm so sorry,

e than you did me." I tried to lau

The shame in his expre

way he had in the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around me, and I squeezed him tight. I'd get

we return," he swore against the top of my h

to write a book as though he's the leading expert on your personal experience. All of this is happening within the span of a few

with me, though I

bound, and he'd panicked. He'd forgotten his safe word, and Stephen had claimed he didn't know Neil wanted him to stop. Neil had hurt himself struggling. T

even though we were alone. I sat on the couch as he paced around the billiard table, tapping hi

nd unn

an unofficial gathering. Everyone invited came by word of mouth. Really just

nd memories of the club, if

Domination was something I was interested in exploring, and Stephen was very sure of himself a

admit that Valerie was objectively attracti

fferences between types of rope, the wrong places to hit, those basics. We started sleeping together, and I liked him very much. Perhaps too much. I

be good for tying someone up.'" Neil chuckled quietly at the memory, and my heart twisted, because it wasn't a sound of mirth. "He knelt me in front of the headboard and tied my wrists, and he flogged me. It wasn't t

beside me. "You can s

e, I took his hands in mine, stroking my thumbs across the backs. He looked down

dn't p

s..." His breath shuddered from him. "I begged him. And he didn't stop. I was so desperate to get away, Sophie. I can't begin to describe to you how terrifying it wa

ed, but it wasn't up to me

wipe away the bad memory. "The rest you know. I fought the ropes and separated my sho

elf in the nick of time. It wasn't my place to tell him what he probably already knew. He was sharin

e..." Neil shook his head. "As I said, I don'

rase that part of his life. He'd been irreparably cut apart; though he'd stitched himself together, the scar would remain. No ma

mashing a wine

shrugged. "That's what happened. Now, I need you to tell me

l! Of

he interrupted me. "I

. My opinion of you is not at all lessened from knowing this about you. Th

hug and whispered, "Th

d some of his tension, because the only thought in my head was that Stephen's book had to be