img How to Accidentally start a Cult  /  Chapter 5 5.Chapter 5: Enlightenment Has a VIP Section Now | 20.00%
Download App
Reading History

Chapter 5 5.Chapter 5: Enlightenment Has a VIP Section Now

Word Count: 975    |    Released on: 11/07/2025

ghtenment Has a

ed with

as a new goat. Smaller. Frenetic. Wearing a t

e was K

nt?" Nate asked as it jumped onto the cou

ed. "Symbolism. It represents the duality of th

peed on m

is mess

ngs had... evolved. Not slowl

," which featured daily affirmations, mood-based snack recommendations, and a button labele

eferring to themselves as "The Crispy Disciple

siah Complex: The Accidental Guru Chr

ing a hundred thousand views per day. Most of it

e a speech where he just stood silently for two minutes and s

as a spiritual call

trend called "Natevity"

illiantly H

living room wearing a robe made of what looked like recycled sequin c

don't need a retreat. I n

days. Reset. Eat soup. Stare at trees. Figure out how t

hesit

d wan

Later – T

ide Santa Borracho, a town known primarily for its hot springs and a 19

by three people in robes-actual monks, or very commi

Snack Boldly,

insisted on tagging along to

ing me again,

lodge, Nate

ting. No ukuleles. Just qui

nd mentally drafting a speech called "Hey

ed it into

ing a book: "The Accidental Way: Ho

er titles like:"Chapter 1:

on't Be a Her

he Robe Fits, Ta

, found all of

tea, "you're basically if Buddha h

s. I t

rrives in

oise. A caravan of minivans, jeeps, and two foo

low

s of

nger seat, shouting, "WE FOUND THE SO

inecones with Nate's face

d them in socks and a kimono.

are you doing here?! This i

woman sniffled. "We feared you w

eating

metaphor

ous Summit o

ference center. People split into discussion group

uch: Lazy as a S

hrase 'Microwave Your D

ly from cereal boxes and driftwood. Zuzu arrived by U

ame the re

patio table-and announced, "It is time. We must app

at even mean?

"you are our everything bagel. Our

calling me a

The Accident

e knows who-l

Kevin 2-knocked over

followers began singing a mash-up of

e double-monocled accountant levit

oked up at the stars and said quietly to La

"This is going to be an

e me on

me

nd someone claims I've 'asce

ea

some stairs. J

F CHA

img

Contents

Chapter 1 1.Chapter 1: The Rant That Started It All Chapter 2 2.Chapter 2: Please Stop Following Me Chapter 3 3.Chapter 3: Enlightenment Now Comes in a Reusable Tote Bag Chapter 4 4.Chapter 4: The Gospel According to Snacks Chapter 5 5.Chapter 5: Enlightenment Has a VIP Section Now Chapter 6 6.Chapter 6: No One Asked For A Strategic Enlightenment Plan
Chapter 7 7.Chapter 7: We're Just Joking, Unless We're Not
Chapter 8 8.Chapter 8: How to Dismantle a Cult in Ten Easy Lies
Chapter 9 9.Chapter 9: You Can Quit the Cult, But the Cult Might Not Quit You
Chapter 10 10.Chapter 10: The Memoir Manifestation
Chapter 11 11.Chapter 11:The Sacred Sandwich of Spirituality
Chapter 12 12.Chapter 12: Federal Agents and Flaxseed Nightmares
Chapter 13 13.Chapter 13: The Sermon on the Mount... ing Pressure
Chapter 14 14.Chapter 14: The Flanderian Games
Chapter 15 15.Chapter 15: You're Gonna Want to Sit Down For This
Chapter 16 16.Chapter 16: The Branding Meeting
Chapter 17 17.Chapter 17: Government Agents, Goats Permits, and Flanderian Fashion Week
Chapter 18 18.Chapter18: Nate-Day, Prophecies, and a Surprise fron the A-List
Chapter 19 19.Chapter 19: Rival Cults, Hammock Trials, and Uncle Doug
Chapter 20 20.Chapter 20: Of Paperwork, Doppelgängers
Chapter 21 21.Chapter 21: The Holy Hangover
Chapter 22 22.Chapter 22: How To Fake a Mi
Chapter 23 23.Chapter 23: The Celebrity Conversion Crises
Chapter 24 24.Chapter 24: The United Nations of Glo
Chapter 25 25.Chapter 25: We Regret to Inform You, the Moon is Booked
img
  /  1
img
Download App
icon APP STORE
icon GOOGLE PLAY