Not Just Someone

"Magbakasyon ka rito, ah! Balitaan mo kami kapag may jowa ka na roon! Don't keep any secrets from me, okay? Ako lang dapat ang ultimate friend mo!"

I laughed a little before hugging her. Alam ko namang nagiging ganito lang siya dahil aalis na ako. Ako rin naman nalulungkot, pero alam kong kailangan kong lumuwas ng Maynila para sa pangarap ko. Para sa akin din ito.

"I'll call you whenever I'm free, don't worry. 'Wag ka nang umiyak, ano ba!" I hugged her more when I heard her sobs. Hindi na siya sumagot sa akin at hinigpitan na lamang niya ang pagkakayakap sa akin. "Nica, sa Maynila lang ako pupunta, hindi naman ako mag i-ibang bansa! And besides, I promised to you and mama already that I'll visit at least once a year."

Sinusubukan ko siyang patahanin pero hindi 'ata tumatalab dahil mas lalo lang lumakas ang pag-iyak niya.

"Sinasabi ko sa 'yo, Coley, susundan kita roon kapag hindi ka na nagparamdam!" bulyaw niya. "Ang taas naman kasi ng pangarap mo sa buhay! Hindi na kita ma-reach!"

Nawala ang ngiti ko nang makitang namumula na ng sobra ang mga mata niya. Ilang buwan na rin ang nakalipas nang sabihin ko sa kaniya na luluwas ako at ilang buwan na rin niya akong iniiyakan, pero buo na talaga ang desisyon ko. Mas maaabot ko ang mga gusto ko kung mag-aaral ako sa Maynila. Mas maraming opportunity ang makukuha ko.

"My dream over anything, Nica. Alam mo 'yan." Ikinulong ko siya sa isang mahigpit na pagkakayakap. "I miss you already," I said, almost whispering.

"You will call, Coley. Promise me that you will never break our connection..."

I nodded before smiling again. Kanina ko pa pinipigilan ang mga luha ko na gustong gusto nang kumawala. Hindi ko puwedeng ipakita sa kaniya na nagsisisi na ako sa nagawa kong desisyon. I can't back out this time. Marami na akong oportunidad na pinalagpas. I can't afford to lose this one. This is a very big deal for me.

"First goodbye," My voice cracked and tears came out already. "Take care of yourself. Reach your dreams here while I'm chasing mine in Manila." I laughed as if I was joking. "I'll visit you and mom."

Umabot pa kami ng ilang minuto bago niya ako nagawang pakawalan. Naiintindihan ko naman. Mahirap din para sa akin na iwan ang lugar namin, lalo na at nandito din sila mama at Nica. But what can I do? This is the only way I know to pursue my dream. Sabi nga ng iba, masyado ko na raw kina-career ang katagang "dream big".

Nang makasakay na ako ng bus, tinawagan ko agad si mama. Nakapagpaalam naman na ako sa kaniya kaninang umaga, pero gusto gusto ko pa ring ipaalam sa kaniya na bumabyahe na ako. At... namimiss ko na rin siya.

"Ma, nasa biyahe na ako."

Hindi siya kaagad na sumagot. Narinig ko pa ang pag buntong-hininga niya. "Mag-iingat ka parati sa Maynila, Nicole. Alam mong napaka delikado roon."

Rinig na rinig ko kung paano na naman magtampo si mama. Simula pa lang naman ay ayaw na niya akong lumuwas ng Maynila. Para sa kaniya ay masyadong malayo at delikado. Sa ilang buwan kong pag-aasikaso ng mga kailangan ko, parati kong naririnig sa kaniya na puwede naman akong mag-aral dito sa amin, but here I am, doing what I know is right.

"Ma, mag-iingat naman ako. Saka kasama ko naman si Denise. No need to worry about me. Dapat nga ay ang sarili mo ang iniisip mo..." pigil ko ang mapaluha na naman. Ang bigat na ng pakiramdam ko. "Sabihin mo sa 'kin kapag sinaktan ka niyang boyfriend mo, ah? Talagang babalik ako kaagad para sapakin 'yan." I wiped the tears that came from nowhere and chuckled a little.

"Anak, mabait ang Tito Ortiz mo. 'Wag mo na akong isipin. Alagaan mo ang sarili mo at wala ako sa tabi mo... Oh, siya, ibababa ko na 'to. Kailangan ko pang mamalantsa."

I nodded and bid my goodbye. Nang matapos na ang tawag ay roon ko lang naramdaman na hindi ko na kayang pigilan pa ang mga luha ko. Hindi ko na kayang magsinungaling sa sarili ko na hindi ako nagsisisi.

Mabigat ang pakiramdam ko habang nakatingin sa labas at tinatanaw ang mga nadadaanang mga bahay at building. Wala nang atrasan 'to. Kaya ko at kakayanin ko. Kahit kailan ay hindi pa ako umatras sa kahit na anong hamon. I know I can endure this for a while. Siguro kapag hindi ko na kaya, roon lang ang titigil. I just... don't want to miss this opportunity.

"Maynila na! Babaan na! Nasa Maynila na ho tayo!"

Agad akong nagising nang marinig ang sinabi ng driver. I immediately grab all of my bag and got out of the bus. Tinanaw ko ang buong paligid at pilit na inaalala ang mga sinabi sa akin ni Denise.

"She said I need to turn left, then..."

I called her, and luckily, she immediately answered. "Are you already here? Pupuntahan kita. Where are you?"

Nagpalinga-linga ako sa paligid hanggang sa may makita akong isang poster na may nakalagay na address sa ibaba.

"Got it! Wait for me. Give me a sec, sister."

I thanked her before ending the call. Buti na lang talaga at may maaasahan ako pansamantala ngayong bago pa lang ako rito. I at least need someone that could help and guide me until I can manage to stand by myself in this new and crowdy place.

"Nicole! Hi! Kamusta? You're so pretty!"

"I'm good, and thanks for picking me up. My phone's map is not helping." I joked a little to ease the little awkwardness.

"Para ka namang iba! I promised Daddy that I will help you no matter what. Ikaw lang ang kapatid ko, eh!" she cheerfully said.

I smiled a little. So her father told her to take care of me? Wow... I don't seem to believe that.

My mother and Denise's family are in good terms for my own good, but I'm not comfortable with our father. I still couldn't remove the thought that he abandoned me and my mother.

"Tell him that I'm thankful. And... is it really fine for me to crash in your condo for the meantime? I know it's uncomfortable... we're not really that kind of 'family'"

She rolled her eyes jokingly. "Nicole, alam kong may nakaraan ang mga pamilya natin, but it doesn't matter for me when it comes to you. Pareho lang tayong biktima rito, so don't even dare to say that we are not family! You're my only sister, duh?"

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti dahil sa pagtaray niya. She's also a very bubbly person. We're not that close, but at least I know that we have a good relationship with each other. I'm fine with that.

"Let's go! That's my-our car! That's your car also, from now on. We can share everything that I have. I know you deserve it too, sis."

Saglit akong natahimik nang marinig ang mga huli niyang sinabi. It felt like it has double meaning that I couldn't process.

Tumango na lang ako at sumunod sa kaniya papasok sa kotse. Siya ang nag drive at nagsimula ng usapan hanggang sa makarating kami sa isang malaking building.

I was in awe when I saw how big her place is. Ang ganda rin ng interior design. Siguro ay sobrang pinagtuunan ito ng pansin. Mamahalin din ang bayad dito panigurado.

"This is your room, and feel free to check the place. If you need anything, tell me, okay? I'll help you with anything. 'Wag mo ring iisiping abala ka, ah! I know you're thinking that you are. You are not a bother for me. Not at all, sis." She winked before chuckling a bit.

"Thank you," ani ko. "But you don't need to give me everything that you have. Hindi ko naman kailangan. Lugar lang talaga na pagti-tirahan ko ang-"

"Who said I'm going to give you what I have? Excuse me, sister, we are just going to share. Akin pa rin 'yon."

Tinarayan na naman niya ako sa isang pabirong paraan. She really is bubbly. I wish I have that personality too.

"Mag-aayos na ako ng mga gamit," paalam ko bago dumiretso sa bakanteng kuwarto.

I opened the lights and scanned the room quickly. Mas lalo akong napamangha nang makita ang itsura ng magiging kuwarto ko. Honestly, I was expecting to see a dusty room or at least an empty room, but it is the opposite.

Ang buong lugar ay nakaayos na. Light green ang theme ng kuwarto at hindi ko alam kung talagang akin ba 'to. Para kasing may gumagamit nito. It also have some things inside.

"Uh, Denise, is this the right room? I think I'm mistaken."

Tinigil niya ang pagtipa sa phone niya at binalingan ako ng tingin. She look confused, too, so I asked her again if the room is really for me.

"Oh! Yeah, that's yours. Why? Don't you like the style? I'm sorry, Dad is really persevere. Siya ang nag desisyon na ipaayos ang kuwarto mo. I already told him na 'wag kang pangunahan, pero ginawa pa rin. I'm sorry."

It took me seconds before I could process what she said. So Dad was the one who prepared all of this? He don't have to. Hindi rin naman kami close.

"I-It's good! I like it. Thank him for me, Denise."

She nodded before going to her room. Pumasok na rin ako sa kuwarto ko at sinimulang ayusing ang mga dala kong gamit.

Hindi ko naman dinala lahat, dahil hindi ko kakayaning mag-isa. Sinabi ko na lang kay mama na ipadala niya rito ang mga natira. It's more convenient for me.

I know I need to be thankful that Denise's father, our father, is providing me everything that I need, especially when I know nothing here in Manila. But I still couldn't help but be bitter. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay ngayon niya lang ako itinuring na anak.

All he did in the past years is just giving money for my tuition and everyday needs. No more, no less. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit bigla na lang siyang naging ganito ka-attentive.

Nang matapos kong ilagay ang mga damit at ibang mga gamit sa tamang lalagyan ay muli kong tiningnan ang buong lugar.

This room is definitely bigger than my room in our place, but I feel... empty. Naninibago lang siguro ako? Probably.

"Sis, can you come out for a while? We need to discuss something."

"Coming."

Naabutan ko si Denise na nakaupo sa sofa, at hindi katulad kanina ay seryoso ang itsura niya.

"Have a sit," Sinunod ko siya at umupo sa tapat niya. "I just want to tell you about the house rules. You know that we have one, right?"

I nodded.

"So first, we need to clean the whole place. Magpalitan na lang siguro tayo. M-W-F ako, then T-TH-S ka. Is that okay?"

I nodded again and smiled. "I'm fine with it, but I am also fine if I'll do all the chores-"

"Stop! I don't tolerate injustice in this place, sister. I am a woman with dignity."

Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti. Kahit na pinipilit niyang maging seryoso ay hindi niya maitago ang pagiging energetic niya.

"Okay! For the food, you can cook anything you want, but you need to wash your own dishes." She looked at the ceiling and thought of something. "For the groceries... every Sunday tayo mag-grocery. I'm thinking that we could switch monthly. For one month ay ikaw, then ako naman the other month."

"I agree."

She smiled at me widely, but after that, she tried to suppress her smile. Para bang gusto niyang magmukhang seryoso.

"Lastly, you need to tell me if you're not going home and the reason, of course. I'll do the same." She clasped her hands before flashing a playful smile. "And for that reason, you can tell me honestly. Whether it's because of a party, or a man, or... you know. I will tell you my reasons also, don't worry."

Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong maging reaksyon sa mga huli niyang sinabi. I know what she meant, but it's a bit uncomfortable to talk about that kind of thing.

"I understand."

Bumalik na naman ang pagiging bubbly niya nang matapos ang usapan namin tungkol sa paghahati ng mga gagawin. Kung tutuusin, ready naman akong gawin ang lahat ng house chores dito. I'm just asking a favor, and I don't want to be a bother, but she insisted.

How did my father raise her? It felt like... she's so loved and prioritized. I'm not jealous, but I'm sad. World is not fair, after all.