Mellisandre Blue's Book
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Sidelined Heart
My name is Christian Thompson, and once upon a time I was the best striker in European football. That was until he came along-Ashford Ryder, young and carefree, 10 years my junior and the new shining star. I hate him. At least that's what I tell myself. Not just because he's taken my spot, but because he's everything I've struggled all my life to be, and not to be. He's vibrant, he's happy, and the worst of all, he's openly gay. The young striker doesn't care what anyone thinks about his sexuality, because he embraces it. I'm not homophobic, quite the opposite-I've lived in the closet all my life. All my life, I've had to hide who I am to please the people around me. European football hasn't always been this accepting of gay men, and I'd squeezed myself into a box to fit in with what they wanted of me. It isn't that hard when you think about my family who'd rather disown me than have an openly gay son. So imagine how I feel when the world decides to be more accommodating to people like Ashford Ryder, when they shoved me in a box. It's not so easy to hate the happy-go-lucky striker, when he does everything to get close to me, despite my insistent hatred for him. He's like a thorn in my side-a hot, sexy, blonde, 5ft9 thorn I can't stop thinking about. But when one day I lose my cool around the popular striker, and land myself in bad press, I end up needing his help. It's supposed to be easy. Spend some time with Ashford Ryder, and show our fans that we can work together-it's what I need to do to save my career. How hard can it be to pretend to get along with him? As long as I remember how much I actually can't stand him. But no one tells you how hard it is to hate someone you spend every waking hour dreaming about.