My Personal Diary-Collette

Jan 1

Happy fucking New Year and what a way to start the New Year, I settled back in the chair and looked over my, almost empty, apartment. Jake, my boyfriend for the past year had left while I was at work. All he left behind was a note: Sorry, babe, Sonja was a helluva lot better in bed than you ever were and she's having my baby.

Jake.

What the hell? Who the hell was Sonja? It doesn't matter, does it? I am trying so hard not to cry but it stings like a bitch. Am I really that bad in bed? I hardly think so but yet he was the third boyfriend who said the same thing in six years.

I ran a hand down my face and exhaled a deep breath that trembled. My heart broke because I thought Jake was different this time. I really though he was but I guess I was wrong. I stood up and walked over to the small radio that he didn't take and turned it on. Soft rock music filled the air around me and it fit the mood I was in.

"Sorry," he said. How could he have been sorry? He was the one who was fucking some other woman while living with me. No wonder why he was late coming home at times.

Strange thing was when I wanted a baby he said we couldn't afford one. He was a cashier at a big box electronic store. As for me, I was a clerk for a CPA firm. Hell, I made more money than he did.

"I hope he burns in hell for what he's done," I told myself as I walked around the apartment. "At least he left the couch and the recliner but took everything else including the bed and dresser. At least I still have my clothes."

I came home late last night because Mr. Johnson wanted me to work late and do some rescheduling with certain clients. I came home and was hoping to celebrate another pay raise with a bottle of wine. Jake wasn't home but his little note was. Even though it had been several hours and a whole night, it still stung like a bitch.

My head was pounding with a hang over even though it was almost noon when I woke up from a night of drinking. I am still wondering what possessed me to die my hair from a dark brown to auburn with one of those home coloring boxes that I found at the corner store when I went to get some more wine. But damn, it looked good and I do look great as a red-head.

Oh well, hopefully my heart won't ache so much tomorrow when I go back to work. There was a big client that was coming early in the morning. No more drinking for me today or tonight I need a clear head for this client.

And he's the gorgeous one too.

Lance Berkley.

With his mousy brown-hair that seems like he just got out of bed even though it was three in the afternoon. Those deep-blue eyes of his that melts my heart every time I see him. I let out a deep breath at the thought before I sat up straighter in the recliner. I know I shouldn't have been thinking about Lance Berkley like that while living with Jake but what woman wouldn't think about him. The man is drop dead gorgeous, shit.

Now, Jake, he was just an average looking guy that made my heart melt with his sweet words that are more like lies now. He knew what to say at any moment and that come hither smile of his that caused him to get any woman he wanted even me. "Fuck," I said out loud and closed my eyes. Pretty much, I fell for every lie he ever told. Was it like that with Sonja? I wondered. My Stomach is growling and I need some food. Fuck, Jake took what was in fridge too when he left.

I'm back, sorry it took so long at the market. I can't actually believe that a cashier was flirting with me. I had been going to that same market and had him cash me out and not once did he ever notice me before. I swear my heart was beating so hard and fast when he actually asked me out. As much as I wanted to say yes, but instead I said no. I don't think I am ready to start dating again because of Jake and what he said in the note. I told him "no," and grabbed the bags and left.

Oh well. It's going to be one lonely night with a bottle of soda and a frozen TV dinner with a pre-packaged salad. It was so quiet in the apartment except for the radio playing sad break-up songs. My thoughts had turned to Jake and the note. I do wonder how long he had been seeing Sonja. It must have several months if he had gotten her pregnant. "My lost is her gain and she will have a lot to think about." I pressed the buttons on the microwave and hit start. "Did she know that he was living with me while he was fucking her?" I drummed my fingers on the counter.

At the moment I don't even care. She's getting a liar and a cheater. "I hope he gets what's coming to him and her. They deserve each other." One thing that did matter to her was the bed he took from her apartment. She paid for that bed. "Shit, did he screw her on our bed?" I shivered at the thought. "Ew," I almost puked at the thought of sleeping in that bed that he fucked her in. "At least I don't have to toss it out the window." She turned to look at the window. Another thought entered her mind, "I hope he took a shower when he came home after being with her."