����Let me explain a few key details. My name is Elias Harper. I��m Nora and Matthew Harper��s oldest boy and was born deaf. Nate and Deacon are my dipshit brothers. Nate enjoys a beat-down because he doesn��t leave me alone. Deacon can��t stay out of trouble because, well, he��s Deacon and a dumbass.
����Someone tapped my back. I turned to see Dad standing there, shaking his head. He pointed at my ears. I rolled my eyes and turned on my hearing aids.
������Why?�� Dad asked me.
������Why not?��?
������I have to bail you out when you get into a fight with the Wilson kids, Elias. Do you want to end up in juvie?��?
������Are you threatening me with a fun time?��?
����Never ask my dad that question. He lacks a sense of humor while dragging me home, using my shirt as leverage. What can I say? I��m my father��s child or someone else��s child. My bet is on Cousin Markus. Shh, don��t tell Dad.
����?
����*****
����?
����Matt
����When I thought about having kids, I didn��t plan on having three unruly boys with smartass mouths. I questioned Nora if she had a secret fling with Markus. My question earned me a look from her.
����I dragged Elias into the house as Nora came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. Nate and Deacon came walking down the hallway, saw me, then turned.
������Freeze!�� I said, making the boys stop. I released Elias and shoved him at his brothers. ��Which one of you pain in the asses caused this mess with Bradley Wilson?��
����Elias and Nate pointed at Deacon. I gave my boys a skeptical look. So much for them having each other��s backs.
������Look, stay away from the Wilson boys. It��s bad enough I have to deal with their asshole father,�� I told the boys.
������Well, he created asshole sons,�� Nate said.
����I gave Nate a look as Elias smacked him upside the head.
������In my defense,�� Deacon said.
������You don��t have a defense. You��re twelve and might not live to see thirteen,�� I told Deacon. ��You��re all grounded until we get sick of you hanging around the house.��?
����The boys groaned and stormed to their rooms as they fought on their way. I heard giggling and glanced at Nora.
������It��s your fault. You forgot the raincoats,�� Nora told me.
������I still say Markus had something to do with this.��?
����Nora threw a candy dish at my head, and I ducked. Then she went into the kitchen.
������Love you!�� I spoke.
������Screw you!��?
����Here��s what I learned about parenthood. It��s a damn trap. You start with these sweet angels who turn into holy terrors. You hope they don��t kill each other. That was dreaming on our part.
����Welcome to fatherhood.
����?
����*****
����?
����Markus
����A crash resounded from the bedroom. I checked to see what the boys did now and found a broken bed with Jayden and Kayden standing there. I put my hand over my face and shook my head.
������Why?�� I asked, lowering my hand.
������Well, I told Jayden to catch me. He missed. The bed was a casualty,�� Kayden said.
������Did it ever occur to you that beds are for sleeping and not part of the circus? Oh, I forgot, this is my circus, and you��re my monkeys,�� I said.
������We��re not monkeys,�� Jayden said, looking at Kayden, who shrugged.
����Okay, I should explain something. Hayden and I adopted twin boys. We thought, hey, let��s have a family. We didn��t know the twins would be the dimmest bulbs in the pack.
����Matt said it was payback for my secret rendezvous with Nora. Matt��s an idiot, but I digress. I��m sure Matt was there when he knocked up Nora. While I dealt with Tweedledum and Tweedle dumber, Mason had his hands full.
����?
����*****
����?
����Mason
������Are you shitting me?�� I asked.
������I don��t think that��s possible,�� Owen said.
������It��s possible but doubtful,�� Oliver said.
������Stop talking,�� I said, ready to throttle my boys. ��Who told you it��s a fantastic idea to hang Bradley Wilson on the swing set?��
������I shall not tell a lie. It was Nash,�� Owen said.
����I wanted to hurt Owen. My boys can��t tell the truth if it bit them in the ass.
������That is a lie. It was Grayson,�� Oliver said.
����I glared at my boys, who stood there like they did nothing wrong. ��You��re grounded and never seeing the light of day.��?
������What?�� They asked. ��That��s not fair!��
������Then tell the damn truth for once in your godforsaken lives!�� I spoke.
������Well, I guess grounding it is,�� Owen said.
����I want to hurt my boys, but Skylar won��t let me. If they don��t end up in the clink, it��ll surprise me. If I survive the teen years, I��ll be lucky. If my boys survive it, it��ll be one hell of a miracle.
����?
����*****
����?
����Casey
����I came home to hear yelling and swearing. I tried to sneak out when Larissa caught me. I turned to face my wife. ��Hi, Hunny.��?
������Don��t hi, Hunny, me. Do you know what our boys did?��?
������No, but I��m sure you��ll tell me.��?
������They super glued the teacher to his seat and got suspended.��?
������We hung banshees on a basketball net.��?
����She pursed her lips and gave me a look.
����The boys waited for me to say something.
������You��re grounded,�� I said.
������What?�� Nash asked.
������It was your idea!�� Grayson said.
����Larissa crossed her arms.
������Well, uh, um, bye,�� I said, leaving. Yeah, I��m not dealing with that train wreck I call my sons. I know I��ll catch hell later. Sometimes, a father needs a break.
����I met with Matt, Markus, and Mason. When things get too rough at home with the boys, we escape. Yeah, our spouses would hurt us later, but it was worth it.
����Here comes the Harpers, and then some.
����?
����