Secret Admirer

The loud barks of the neighbourhood dogs had penetrated through the silence of the night but I was still lying in bed hoping to go back to sleep to no avail. So I decided to open the window and give nature an appreciation. The night was warm and starry, the pale crescent moon shone like a silvery claw in the dark sky. It brought back so many memories of my high school days. Reminiscing about all those painful memories and breaking my heart all over again. I hate recollecting things I don't wish to remember. Especially not the intrusive memories of Amalia, my best friend whom I lost to cancer.

That year was hell for me. I couldn't ignore the waves of intense emotions coursing through me. I remember being angry at myself and the doctor when he told Alima and me about the illness.

The sunny 4th of June 2013 was when it all started. Amalia, Alima and I were walking back to class after recess. I was telling them about a movie I had seen the night before.

"Guys! I feel a little bit funny." Amalia had called out suddenly leaning against a wall for support.

Even though I had rushed to get water because she felt faint, she still passed out. After raising an alarm, some staff assisted us by taking her to the school clinic. I thought it was nothing serious with the thought that stress made her pass out. But I was far from the truth Amalia had been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer, the most advanced stage of the disease in which life expectancy was low.

I had tried to convince myself that it wasn't true, how could she not have told us that she ill for so long? I had gathered enough courage to confront her. When I entered her ward, she was unconscious but I had spoken to her as though she wasn't.

"Do you know that I am mad at you? How could you not tell Alima and me that you were sick? You know how much we love you. But I want you to know that I'll be by your side every step of the way, on the good days and the bad. You're amazing, and you inspire me every single day. I'm so lucky to have you in my life." I said and Bending down I gently placed my hands on her forehead and gasped at the cold that met my touch. It was clear that the end was near, tears welled up in my eyes and slightly course down my cheeks.

You can get through this, and I'll be right here with you. We're a team, I hope you know that you're deeply loved. I'm so proud of you. I am not offended that you can't talk at the moment but I want you to know I'll come running whenever you call." I had assured her recovery even though the doctor had said otherwise.

I had prayed fervently to God for miraculous healing. I stay with her for a long and my eyes were full of tears, shortly after a flood from my heart seemed to pour itself out that I couldn't take it anymore so I decided to leave the hospital and headed back home.

Three days later I was told she was now conscious so I went to the hospital to meet her and almost busted into tears when she said "Hi" to me wearing a big smile at me as if nothing has happened.

"Hello" I managed to reply as I faked a smile on my face.

"I can see it in your eyes that something is bothering you and I know it's because of me but not to worry I will be fine". She said trying to reach out to the fruits placed in front of her.

"You won't believe what has happened today..." as I try to talk about my life. Because I felt like Sometimes, a person with terminal cancer just wants to return to normalcy for a little while.

we started gisting and I was feeling a little bit relieved and she dose off before I left the hospital.

I tried visiting her every day because who knows what might happen anytime, I know you understand what I meant by that statement. As the days pass by her health keeps on deteriorating which makes me not carry out my daily activity properly as I do before, gradually losing interest in things I love and dissociating myself from people

Two days later I was told my Amalia gave up the ghost, immediately tears started pouring profusely from my eyes nonstop and felt lightning inside of my chest. Thunder in my thought and numbness clouded my eyes. Confusion, anger and shame infiltrate my bones, My heart is scorched and spasming and I thought to myself, how I wish I didn't try to dodge conversation that will get us emotional maybe the conversation would have been my weapon of healing in the future.

I didn't know when I segued into another thought of me and Alex, I met Alex in 2016 when he came to join the same high school as mine and also happens to be my seatmate since he was my seatmate and also a new student I had no choice than to help him with some school kinds of stuff and later we became friends I mean best friend even though he can't replace Alima. He made me feel life-affirming and I would say I'm so lucky to have him as a friend. Having him by my side makes me feel so happy. I also started letting go of Alima's death because he thought me how to.

Suddenly I heard a knock on my room door, the sun rays hit my eyes as I open it I shut it back turned my face almost immediately opposite of the sun rays

"Good morning Mum," I said trying to close the window and adjust the curtain.

"Morning sleepy head" she replied caressing my head " you woke up a little bit late today and by the way don't tell me you slept on the floor last night because it can make you have body pains.