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Chapter 7 No.7

Word Count: 2768    |    Released on: 06/12/2017

led among the household Lares. Uncle Jack, as he was familiarly called, was a light-hearted, plausib

s too much for the clothing which civilization, and perhaps a change of climate, render more necessary to us than to our predecessors, the Picts. Out of pure philanthropy, Uncle Jack started a "Grand National Benevolent Clothing Company," which undertook to supply the public with inexpressibles of the best Saxon cloth at 7s. 6d. a pair; coats, superfine, L1 18s.; and waistcoats at so much per dozen,-they were all to be worked off by steam. Thus the rascally tailors were to be put down, humanity c

efits to society arising from habits of providence and the introduction of insurance companies,-proving the infamous rate of premiums exacted by the existent offices, and their inapplicability to the wants of the honest artisan, and declaring that nothing but the purest intentions of benefiting their fellow-creatures, and raising the moral tone of society, had led the directors to institute a new society, founded on the noblest principles and the most moderate calculations,-proceeded to demonstrate that twenty-four and a half per cent was the smallest possible return the shareholders could anticipate. The company began under the fairest auspices; an archbishop was caught as president, on the condition always that he should give nothing but his name to the society. Uncle Jack-more euphoniously designated as "the celebrated philanthropist, John Jones Tibbets, Esquire"-was honorary secretary, and the capital stated at two millions. But such was the obtuseness of the industrial classes, so little did they perceive the benefits of subscribing one-and-ninepence a-week from the age of twenty-one to fifty, in order to secure at the latter age the annuity of L18, that the company dissolved into thin air, and with it dissolved also Uncle Jack's L3,000. Nothing more was then seen or heard of him for three years. So obscure was his existence that on the death of an

., promises an inexhaustible field to the energies of the benevolent and the wealth of the capitalist. It is calculated that the best coals may be delivered, screened, at the mouth of the Thames for 18s. per load, yielding a profit

, where he set up his carriage and gave dinners to his fellow-directors. For no less than three years did this company flourish, having submitted the entire direction and working of the mines to that eminent engineer, Giles Compass. Twenty per cent was paid regularly by that gentleman to the shareholders, and the shares were at more than cent per cent, when one bright morning Giles Compass, Esq., unexpectedly removed himself to that wider field for genius like

. Caxton, and not knowing where else to dine, thought he would repose his limbs under my father's trabes citrea, which

th. He was a perfect symphony of bewitching enthusiasm and convincing calculation. Dicaeopolis in the "Aeharnenses," in presenting a gentleman called Nicharchus to the audience, observes: "He is small, I confess, but, there is nothing lost in him: all is knave that is not fool." Parodying the equivocal compliment, I may say that though Uncle Jack was no giant, there was nothing lost in him. Whatever was not philanthropy was arithmetic, and whatever was not arithmetic was philanthropy. He would have been equally dear to Howard and to Cocker. Uncle Jack was comely too,-clear-skinned and florid, had a little mouth, with good teeth, wore no whiskers, shaved his beard as close as if it were one of his grand national companies; his hair, once somewhat sandy, was now rather grayish, which increased the respectability of his appearance; and he wore it flat at the sides and raised in a peak at the top; his organs of constructiveness and ideality were pronounced by Mr. Squills to be prodigious, and those freely developed bumps gave great breadth to his forehead. Well-shaped, too, was Uncle Jack, about five feet eight,-the proper height for an active man of business. He wore a black coat; but to make the nap look the fresher, he had given it the relief of gilt bu

value. But Jack said nobody could guess what good the ten shillings did to the chimney-sweepers." Naturally enough, I say, my mother liked Uncle Jack; but my father liked him quite as well,-and that was a strong proof of my uncle's powers of captivation. However, it is noticeable that when some retired scholar is once interested in an active man of the world, he is more inclined to admire him than others are. Sympathy with such a companion gratifies at once his curiosity and his indo

e what is done abroad, how others run, ride, turmoil, and macerate themselves in town and country,"-which citation sufficeth to show that scholars are naturally the most active men of the world; only that while their heads plot with Augustus, fight with Julius, sail with Columbus, and change the face of the globe with Alexander, Attila, or Mahomet, there is a certain mysterious attraction, which our improved knowledge of mesmerism will doubtless soon explain to the satisfaction of science, between

ing tricks, could conjure wonderfully, make a bunch of keys dance a hornpipe,

ul in turning my halfp

tand an hour at a cottage door, admiring the little girls who were straw-platting, and then walk into the nearest farmhouses, to suggest the feasibility of "a national straw-plat association." All this fertility of intellect was, alas! wasted in that ingrata terra into which Uncle Jack had fallen. No squire could be persuaded into the belief that his

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Contents

Chapter 1 No.1 Chapter 2 No.2 Chapter 3 No.3 Chapter 4 No.4 Chapter 5 No.5 Chapter 6 No.6 Chapter 7 No.7 Chapter 8 No.8 Chapter 9 No.9 Chapter 10 No.10 Chapter 11 No.11
Chapter 12 No.12
Chapter 13 No.13
Chapter 14 No.14
Chapter 15 No.15
Chapter 16 MY UNCLE ROLAND'S TALE.
Chapter 17 No.17
Chapter 18 No.18
Chapter 19 No.19
Chapter 20 No.20
Chapter 21 No.21
Chapter 22 No.22
Chapter 23 No.23
Chapter 24 No.24
Chapter 25 No.25
Chapter 26 No.26
Chapter 27 No.27
Chapter 28 No.28
Chapter 29 No.29
Chapter 30 No.30
Chapter 31 No.31
Chapter 32 No.32
Chapter 33 No.33
Chapter 34 No.34
Chapter 35 No.35
Chapter 36 MY FATHER'S FIRST LOVE.
Chapter 37 No.37
Chapter 38 No.38
Chapter 39 No.39
Chapter 40 No.40
Chapter 41 No.41
Chapter 42 No.42
Chapter 43 No.43
Chapter 44 No.44
Chapter 45 No.45
Chapter 46 No.46
Chapter 47 No.47
Chapter 48 No.48
Chapter 49 No.49
Chapter 50 No.50
Chapter 51 No.51
Chapter 52 No.52
Chapter 53 No.53
Chapter 54 No.54
Chapter 55 No.55
Chapter 56 No.56
Chapter 57 No.57
Chapter 58 No.58
Chapter 59 No.59
Chapter 60 No.60
Chapter 61 No.61
Chapter 62 No.62
Chapter 63 No.63
Chapter 64 No.64
Chapter 65 No.65
Chapter 66 No.66
Chapter 67 No.67
Chapter 68 No.68
Chapter 69 No.69
Chapter 70 No.70
Chapter 71 No.71
Chapter 72 No.72
Chapter 73 No.73
Chapter 74 No.74
Chapter 75 No.75
Chapter 76 No.76
Chapter 77 No.77
Chapter 78 No.78
Chapter 79 No.79
Chapter 80 No.80
Chapter 81 No.81
Chapter 82 No.82
Chapter 83 No.83
Chapter 84 No.84
Chapter 85 No.85
Chapter 86 No.86
Chapter 87 No.87
Chapter 88 No.88
Chapter 89 No.89
Chapter 90 No.90
Chapter 91 No.91
Chapter 92 No.92
Chapter 93 No.93
Chapter 94 No.94
Chapter 95 No.95
Chapter 96 No.96
Chapter 97 No.97
Chapter 98 No.98
Chapter 99 No.99
Chapter 100 No.100
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