All That Is Left Behind

down a downward spiral that you start to realise what's really going on. It's only when the uncredible as occur that it sinks i

e when I c

ed clothes, I went to my tiny studio a

the canvas. It took me nearly a full hour to get my creative juices flowing, and I had no more than half an hour of actual productive painting, until I had to but everything down, close the tubs, wash the pan and brushes. In the end, I took

lf back into shape and started again, to burn out a month or two later,

etely, but every time this thought came, it terrified me,

s. I had managed to find one with this tiny room that I rented out from time to time

to my own small bedroom, but then it

was more space than I would have been able to afford if I had a good view, or cross breeze, or luminosity. But there was a n

me with little spare money, and my painting hobby was becoming a little too expensive for my

ection. I would scrooge every cent I could, yet it was barely enough to stay afloat, and I was left with mostly two options,

wo hours after working on my feet for ten. It was terrible for my blood circulation. I should find something better than this stool, but I had to surf the internet for ages to

lt o

and I finished was

feel like they could manage a shower

, which was impressive in this section of the city,

f the swelling to go down, then walked t

y off for some appointments, so on Monday I had done a fourteen-

fternoon sun, and I decided to indulge in a rare moment of luxury a

o draw two to ten pieces every day of people and things I observed. While doin

ng paper for at least half an hour

t for the rest of my life as it became my dai

orld is. A lot of it is an idolised version of reality. We want to save the world and make it a bet

ard. Bills, responsibilities, and trying to make you

and it takes a little while to

regardless. I thought I could find some work as a graphic designer or something along that line

and uninspiring projects, the more I grew to di

appearing in my head. I

as a bit better than retail, but not by mu

ferred doing less of it, and having less income at a more boring job,

job, it was a good jo

But deep down I didn't regret studying art. It had, actually, been some of the best years of my life, despite everything

ave become a doc

ng that would take me six months to a year of studies to get me a relatively de

of money aside. Plus I had managed to sell two paintings on Etsy, money

ancially, but saving every penny didn

vities they're proposing, after a while, you stop getting propositions

rly not the best for my social life,

y, I drew a building, and whatever else I could find to draw. Not all the

rld that I notice a lone child, going in