imate yourself" bomb dropped, and I'm still trying

ike I'd just been seen-like I wasn't the funny, sarcastic, rebellious girl I've carefully crafted

d where it shouldn't. Once upon a time-okay, maybe last year-I was the Alina Hart

o

ust..

"distraction." A p

wanted to deal with. You know how fairy tales have princesses? Yeah, that's not me anymore. I'm t

ble. And nothing burns quite like realizing you

ct like it doesn't matter. But spoiler alert: It does. Every time I close my eye

ate

ld a little higher, because, let's face it, I'm still

part of the game. The game being, of course, the complete emotional tor

g away like they've just discovered air-conditioning, backpacks

the school (no prizes for guessing who's at the top of their list), and head to

ransom note? A please don't mak

none other than the guy himself-Mr. Wright. Of course it is. Who else would have the auda

ng thing like, "You can do better, Alina. Just believe in yourself." Bu

li

ow it. There's more to you than your sarcasm

riously? What am I, some kind of emotional puzzle that he th

stomach? Yeah, it's

note was from! But what is

nn

rebel. No one can accuse me of being soft, okay? Especially not some profe

e "I-just-saw-my-ex-with-his-new-girlfriend" kind of way, but the "I-should-ju

entire body goes into defensive mode. If I can just pretend like everythin

'm just a topic to be examined and dissected. The last time he made such direct eye contact with me, I wan

watching how his glasses slip down his nose just enough for him to push them back up, how the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to reveal his forearms like he's

li

ly tense up and cough into my hand, trying to c

eem nonchalant, like I'm n

ust a little. "Ca

the lesson. "Uh, sure. The response is-umm, literary subtext is about the

ing sh

t a pleasant smile, more like a let

effort, Alina. You have so much more poten

heard it all before. Usually from people who don't know me well enou

ht at my core. And it's annoying, okay? Because for some reaso

xaggerated roll of my eyes. "I

ng. The class is awkwardly quiet, like everyone knows this is so

in his eyes that nearly looks like... dis

but there's a steel edge to his voice that makes my st

ch

r his voice again, like he's still sitting across from me, calli

already

pective than I should be. Seriously, I did not need to

rying to shove a sandwich into my face while pretending I'm

?" Mia asks, eyeing me like I'm

sharply than I meant. "It

like you just saw a ghost, a

sandwich. "What? I do

ay, so you're definitely n

slamming my tray down a little to

and that's why you've been sulking all day and muttering about res

ve been muttering "resilience" like it's some kind of ma

t distracted by homework. I'm distracted by the fact th

showing up. Whether it's in my thoughts or in the for

to me," Mia says, suddenly serious. "Maybe he kno

her, is about as useful as a

ven if he's going to annoy the hell out of

ersation with Wright in my mind. Something is shi

me question everything. But I also ha

y to explode. This whole situation is a powder k