Kiss me Not

Celine.

The majority of my life was spent in an orphanage, a place that had become my home, and I had no idea who my biological parents were. They were completely unknown to me at that time, shrouded in a thick veil of mystery that I never fully grasped or understood. The administrator of the orphanage treated me with a tenderness that felt familial, almost maternal, which was something I had longed for. She was an admirable person, embodying kindness and compassion toward all of us children who lived under her care and protection. She once shared with me that after an extensive investigation, the police had discovered me lost near the airport, a bewildered child in a vast, unfamiliar world. They had speculated that my parents might have been foreigners, possibly from another country, looking for a way to escape something much larger than themselves.

But despite their efforts, they came up empty-handed, never even catching a glimpse of either of my parents, as if they had vanished into thin air, leaving no trace behind. When I finally came to my senses, it dawned on me that my parents had abandoned me on purpose, a realization that was both painful and bewildering. Why would they do such a thing? I had no answers to that haunting question, and it wasn't something I had ever spent much time pondering or investigating. Perhaps I was simply resigned to my dreary karma, accepting my fate without question, feeling as if I had no choice but to move forward in this life.

It was not until that night that darkness enveloped my thoughts completely, casting a shadow over my heart. It was my 18th birthday, a milestone that should have felt celebratory and joyful. My friends from the orphanage, along with the manager and a few teachers, surprised me with a fantastic birthday party that I would never forget, a memory I would cherish forever. Their thoughtful gestures filled me with warmth and gratitude, making me feel special for the first time in years. We celebrated with delicious cake, joyous laughter, and dancing that echoed throughout the dimly lit room, creating a magical atmosphere that made me feel alive.

Exhaustion finally claimed us all, and one by one, we drifted off into slumber, except for me. The manager beckoned me to follow her to her office, her expression tinged with concern and seriousness. I could tell something was troubling her, as if she were on the verge of sharing some unsettling news that would change everything for me.

Panic began to bubble within me, a feeling I couldn't shake, and my mind raced with all kinds of terrible scenarios. Yet, it never crossed my mind to wonder what she might reveal, what important information she was holding back. When she caught me yawning, she turned to me with a stern look over her shoulder and repeated, "I told you to follow me, Celine. Now, let's go to my office. It's important."

I blinked in confusion and hesitantly asked, "Could we please talk first thing in the morning?" I tried to maintain my politeness, though my frown betrayed my growing worry and anxiety.

She rubbed her temples in frustration and firmly replied, "No, now. We need to discuss this immediately."

With a heavy sigh, I trailed closely behind her, my heart pounding in my chest. Upon arriving at her office, I lowered my gaze respectfully, placing my hands at my sides, trying to appear composed despite the turmoil within me. She sighed deeply and slumped into her chair, her expression weary and burdened. "Celine. You're eighteen now. What exactly are your plans for the future? What do you intend to do next?"

I stepped closer to her desk, my smile awkward and uncertain, filled with a mix of hope and dread. "Plans for what exactly? Please excuse me, but I don't quite understand what you mean."

Nothing made sense to me! I couldn't adjust to her stern demeanor or her serious tone. She was usually so kind and gentle, like an angel in disguise, but now she seemed anxious and troubled, as if grappling with something significant that weighed heavily on her heart.

She fidgeted nervously with her fingers, unsure of how to begin. After a moment that felt like an eternity, she exhaled deeply, stood up, and approached me. The distance between us felt like mere inches, and I could sense the gravity of her words, the weight of the moment settling around us. "Celine, you are required to leave the orphanage by morning in accordance with the policies of the facility. This is not a decision I take lightly."

I was flabbergasted, my breath catching in my throat as I struggled to comprehend her words. "Leave? How? Where? To what end? You're kidding, right?" I struggled to smile, hoping against hope that she was joking or perhaps had found a job for me or some other opportunity that would allow me to stay.

She lowered her hands and began to mumble through her explanation, her voice barely above a whisper. "You have to get out of this place and learn to rely on yourself. For many years, we have taken care of your needs, but now is the time for you to find the things that will make you happy-like a job, a house, and eventually a family of your own. You can't stay here indefinitely, Celine. It's time to face the world."

My heart raced, pounding heavily in my chest as I processed her words. The nervousness washed over me in waves, making me break into a sweat, my palms clammy with fear. I felt a panic attack rising within me. "No, please don't evict me from this establishment! Since I was a child, I haven't ventured beyond these four walls. I have no friends, no family, and nowhere to go because I am homeless! Please," I begged her, desperation creeping into my voice. Tears began to cascade down my cheeks, a heartbreaking sight that shattered my resolve and left me feeling utterly lost.

Where on earth was I supposed to go?

She moved closer, cupping my cheeks gently with her hands, her own eyes glistening with unshed tears that mirrored my own sorrow. "I'm very sorry, Celine. Unfortunately, I can't help you. Except-"

She offered me a few dollars, wiping my tears away with a tenderness that felt both comforting and heartbreaking. "I don't have much money, but you know that already. This is the best I can do for you. I sincerely apologize, but the time has come for you to pack your belongings and leave in just a few hours. I wish you the best of luck in whatever comes next for you."

When I attempted to speak, the words caught in my throat, tangled in a web of emotion. Even before I left the building, I felt as if I were already living on the streets, a chill creeping into my bones. I rarely left the orphanage unless it was for a group outing, like a picnic or a doctor's appointment-once a year at most! How could I possibly survive on my own?

I dropped to my knees, clutching the hem of her dress in desperation. "Please, hear me out! If you need a maid, I'm available. I can help! Please let me stay here. I haven't even completed the minimum requirements to get a job anywhere. I need more time."

That was true, to some extent. I had been awarded a high school diploma designed specifically for homeschoolers, which, in the grand scheme of things, didn't really mean much in the job market, especially in a world that felt so big and daunting.

She helped me to my feet, her voice firm yet tinged with sadness that echoed my own. "Could you please leave now? Leave my office immediately. And I don't want to see you when you return in the morning. It's for your own good."

She turned her back on me, a gesture that felt like a knife to my heart, cutting deeply into the bond we had formed. I had treated her as if she were my actual mother, someone who would care for me unconditionally!

As I walked away, I could feel the ground trembling beneath my feet, each step heavy with the weight of my despair. I struggled to breathe normally, my vision blurring from tears that refused to stop. But I had no choice. I sobbed uncontrollably, dragging my feet as I awaited the dawn, the first rays of light that might bring clarity. I had made up my mind to leave at that very moment, even if it terrified me.

I wouldn't say I enjoyed saying my goodbyes, and I certainly didn't want to see my friends crying, their faces etched with worry.

I packed my bag for the journey ahead, dressing in the only jeans and shirt I owned that were still in decent condition. I didn't have much in the way of clothing, and I fled into the shadowy streets, heading toward a fate that felt ominous and uncertain, the future stretching out before me like an uncharted path.

I walked and walked, trembling with fear the entire time. No one had stirred from their slumber yet, making the place feel desolate and abandoned, like a ghost town, echoing with the silence of the early morning hours.

I turned my gaze to the moon, silently pleading with God to deliver me from this nightmare, to show me a way out of my predicament. I was truly in a bind. With only a few dollars, I knew I could never afford to rent a room! The realization sank in, heavy and suffocating.

Suddenly, as I wandered down the street, contemplating my next move, an idea sparked in my mind. But just as I thought I had a plan, I narrowly avoided being struck by a car barreling down the street.

I was so terrified that I screamed, instinctively shielding my face with my trembling hands. Thankfully, the driver spotted me and brought the car to a stop just inches away, narrowly avoiding a catastrophic collision that could have broken every bone in my body and shattered my already fragile existence.

A man, strikingly handsome, exited the vehicle and rushed over to me, concern etched across his features. "Are you okay? Did something happen to you?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine worry.

I slowly raised my head, meeting his wide hazel eyes, filled with compassion and kindness. His tousled blonde hair caught the moonlight, and I was captivated by the contrast, the warmth radiating from him. I let out a nervous sigh. "Not at all, I'm afraid. I think it's just my actions that have led me here, to this moment."

He offered me a friendly smile, gently tilting my chin up with his hand, as if trying to reassure me. "It's okay. Don't freak out. What are you doing out here all alone? This place is dangerous. I can give you a ride anywhere you need to go," he offered, extending his hand to me in a gesture of kindness that felt foreign yet inviting.

I swallowed hard, my throat dry and scratchy, and refrained from speaking, unsure of how to respond to his unexpected and generous offer of help. The weight of my situation pressed down on me, making it difficult to think clearly. My mind raced, grappling with both fear and a flicker of hope. Did I really want to accept help from a stranger? The thought sent shivers down my spine, yet the desperation of my circumstances urged me to consider it more closely.

He tilted his head slightly, curiosity shining in his warm hazel eyes, and his expression softened as he studied me. "What's your name?" he asked gently, as if he wanted to let me know that I was safe with him, that I could trust him. His voice was calm and reassuring, cutting through the fog of anxiety clouding my thoughts.

I mustered a smile, albeit awkwardly, feeling a flutter of hope amidst my fear and uncertainty about what lay ahead. "I'm Celine. And I just turned eighteen a few days ago," I replied, the words tumbling out of my mouth as I felt a strange mix of pride and vulnerability. It was a significant milestone, yet I felt lost and unmoored at this crucial juncture in my life.

It was true; I had never been this close to a guy in my life, and the proximity felt electrifying yet intimidating. I felt so out of my element, flushing like a foolish schoolgirl caught in an embarrassing moment, overwhelmed by the mixture of emotions swirling within me. The tension in the air seemed to thicken as I stood there, grappling with feelings I had never fully understood before.

He nodded, a playful grin spreading across his lips, breaking the tension that hung between us like a heavy fog. "But I didn't ask to see your ID. I'm not a cop, you know," he teased lightly, attempting to lighten the mood. His easygoing demeanor made me feel a little more at ease, yet I remained cautious, my instincts warning me to tread carefully.

I quickly averted my gaze, feeling a rush of embarrassment flood my cheeks, and muttered softly, "Excuse me." My heart raced, and I could feel my pulse quickening as I tried to gather my thoughts. The situation felt surreal, and I struggled to find my voice amidst the chaos of my emotions.

He opened the passenger door of his car and gestured for me to get in. "Come on. I'll give you a ride home. You shouldn't be out here alone," he insisted, his tone firm yet gentle. The offer felt like a lifeline thrown to me amidst a stormy sea, but I hesitated, torn between gratitude and fear.

In a moment of irritation mixed with fear and frustration, I blurted out, "I don't have a home! I just turned eighteen, and now I'm supposed to leave the orphanage, and-" My voice trembled as I spoke, each word spilling out in a rush, revealing the depth of my anxiety and desperation.

He interrupted me, his tone warm and generous, filled with sincerity. "I'll take you up on that offer-come live with me. I have no objections. I can help you find your footing in this world," he said with conviction, his eyes sparkling with a kindness that made me want to believe him, even as doubt lingered in the back of my mind.

As a child, I remembered the lessons our teachers instilled in us: never trust strangers, a mantra that echoed in my head. I shook my head slightly and bent down to grab my bag, my heart pounding with uncertainty and fear of the unknown. "Thanks for the offer, but it's time for me to leave. I can't impose on you or take advantage of your kindness," I insisted, torn between the desire for help and the fear of burdening someone else.

Yet, as soon as I set foot on the pavement, his strong hands grasped my arm, pulling my bag away from me with surprising gentleness and urgency. "You're not going to end up like that. I'm not a killer. I'm an orphan too, just like you," he reassured me, his voice firm yet compassionate. There was something in his eyes that made me pause and reconsider my instinctive distrust.

I slowly turned to meet his dazzling hazel eyes, searching for the truth in his words, desperate to find a glimmer of hope within the overwhelming darkness of my situation. It was difficult to discern his intentions, but something about him felt genuine. Judging by his attire and the car he drove, I was reasonably sure he wasn't a dangerous person, but rather someone from a typical middle-class family who might understand my plight more than I initially thought.

I sighed, a mixture of relief and apprehension flooding through me as I weighed my options. "Okay, but only for a few days-just until I can find a job and a place to stay. I promise I won't be a burden," I said, my voice steadying as I made a decision. The thought of living with someone else, even temporarily, felt like a leap into the unknown, yet it also felt like the only viable option.

He affectionately patted my head as if I were a child, his kindness overwhelming me in a way I hadn't expected. "I'll help you find work. Don't worry about it. Let's get out of here quickly because, honestly, this area is crawling with trouble. You can't count on me to keep you safe forever, but I can at least help you for now. Let's find you a better place," he said with a reassuring smile, igniting a spark of hope in my heart that perhaps everything could still turn out alright.