pte
1
ve in love a
2
w Connor, that was
3
s pride with my lowliness, as fervent and
4
s utterly exhausted
5
lse when my lif
6
S
7
e I
8
, he stirred
9
wing I was greedy, selfish, and prone
1
lways, he ke
1
ssages from Connor, but th
1
1
capacity for endurance and
1
I tried to dissolve my negative emotions on
1
t coy, hoping he'd com
1
mbarrassment and said, "I really
1
to console girls
1
want to be
1
straightforward guy not to know how to
2
would love me
2
me overlook the obvi
2
il
2
a sharp pain in my lower abdomen jolted me from
2
rual
2
vers in the sweltering heat, eyes tightly shut, hopi
2
eason, and this time the cramps
2
careful not to wake my roommate, an
2
ld be f
2
sured
3
ith the medication. Instead,
3
est not to take painkillers on an empty stomach and
3
ching in the bathro
3
e light just as
3
y my appearance that
3
your lips
3
er and stayed with me unti
3
next day, for a mom
3
time, still wanting t
3
ke to be disturbed, so I didn't dare cal
4
comfortable and wanted
4
unset when he f
4
o
4
going
4
G
4
e hos
4
, there weren't too ma
4
I knew that distance made any expressio
4
ependent woman, I sh
4
he
5
comfort me or
5
ed in teaching
5
olled up through our chat history, tr
5
the distance, or now, it was always me tireless
5
always so i
5
larly wronged; I just
5
lings
5
5
even though we've been broken up for a
5
was full of
6
e college, both facing th
6
and Harry Potter, b
6
e just after verify
6
he Little Prince, and my pro
6
idences didn'
6
had seen
6
aring up at the slightest hint, yet we loved challenging our taste buds. We both adored pastries and tomato scrambled eggs, wh
6
t known each
6
a bit s
6
call me f
7
s
7
ted for
7
plied,
7
t someone so sim
7
ere
7
sion to
7
s pu
7
uh
7
e the
7
for singing on the
8
memb
8
rrying guitars and other equipment singing on the p
8
ngs while wandering th
8
t never ap
8
o
8
come and
8
, there weren'
8
the center of the field, holding a guit
8
gentle, like
8
olgirl-style outfit, shivering i
9
close, sitting cross
9
ice me, slightly
9
ght, I couldn
9
erson, probably his frien
9
ee y
9
and guitar to his frien
9
he
9
ite hoodi
9
me, wearing a whit
9
framing round, droopy puppy eyes filled with laughter; his sl
1
the kind of
1
lawn, with him beside me, i
1
eld you fro
1
with a
1
really t
1
observe this boy who shared
1
ted his profile, his prominent nose cutting through the light and shado
1
ense my gaze,
1
y head, trying to h
1
nd finished singing
1
ing sitti
1
is friend handed him
1
of songs do
1
ng to rap and instrumental music la
1
elplessly,
1
u'
1
it hard
1
hair resting on his glasses frame, his focus visible through the l
1
scene, I fel
1
d play the
1
entioning it in pa
1
cal instruments and wasn'
1
elessly pestered him, saying I liked t
1
, without
1
1
or last fall, a mont
1
mpus, lifting fallen leaves and u
1
sked me about the re
1
break up. She always suspected that I had acted on impulse
1
d we b
1
uite articul
1
because of th
1
n and wait hours just for a cup of my favorite milk tea, eve
1
remembered
1
nd Valentine's Day, he would
1
ergy, but that didn't stop me from receiving mango-flav
1
emembered to
1
ort myself
1
g nor making a scene. I was never used to cryi
1
message, still in
1
ct: "I'm aller
1
e apol
1
sor
1
y process, and once it was o
1
d as insignificant as
1
followed, silence
1
os, sharing them, and writing all sorts of n
1
social media, my first reaction w
1
not a specific moment, my
1
him, and he didn't r
1
e. Without hesitation, she assumed it wa
1
it that I realized we hadn't
1
ow could it have
1
if he didn't reply to my mes
1
ess until the middle of the night, and eventually,
1
n't
1
fort me
1
ng one of our video calls, tears
1
s his r
1
he was
1
didn't know how
1
o many demands that
1
worn down, my heart
1
, I suggested
1
s bre
1
se
1
le w
1
ing was incredibly straightforward and ea
1
me I was inde
1
e heart-wrenching pa
1
st... ve
1
agr
1
was what he
1
the breakup and suggested treating me to a la
1
front and a beauty besi
1
icious food that we seldom eat
1
reall
1
tantly after a
1
ncern and sympathy, like
1
sor
1
zed insti
1
s ov
1
tween Connor and me were over,
1
n early win
1
er the covers to grab my vibrating
1
o see me, traversing a dista
1
1
ad opened on campus, and Jerred
1
, tears and snot streaming down his face, goin
1
e doing thi
1
ned to
1
back to our dorms fo
1
unned, unable to thi
1
body, spending most o
1
badminto
1
we play
1
ugge
1
ur
1
prised he remem
1
imate the time and book a c
2
e exercise within half
2
e court from two
2
ed with
2
rfe
2
enior, much taller than me, making it
2
say, but many guys are se
2
ll, making him the p
2
ements, and his round eyes under his
2
he wasn't the
2
ty minutes, he w
2
ir
2
leaned on the ne
2
sheepishly
2
o take
2
sa
2
his eyes lit up, and he
2
s stomach slightly bulging,
2
tted his belly and made
2
happens when
2
xpla
2
eaving my mark on almost eve
2
nu cafe. I'm really curious about it and
2
closer to me; otherwise, he wouldn'
2
shifted to an u
2
e low and slow, "Have you be
2
en in lo
2
following the prin
2
question b
2
abou
2
Wel
2
ally,
2
line relati
2
lin
2
uite su
2
ea
2
meeting, we lost contact. Even whe
2
sn't satisfi
2
lained
2
, his voice clear, filled
2
k why you
2
ed cau
2
y the question, so
2
ll explai
2
oved on; perhaps time has qu
2
r again, I felt
2
see me last November,
2
were seeing
2
ut was now un
2
entle, but so
2
he seemed too gentl
2
ving our
2
how he shared an umbrella with me in the drizzling rai
2
was what initia
2
d in manner, gentl
2
s this very gentlenes
2
ning about an ex is somewhat impolite,
2
as a
2
ard
2
nclu
2
us, ignored my anxiety and lack of security, an
2
ce only exacerb
2
despair and depth until all
2
forced me into a
2
mber, I instinctively
2
. He didn't explicitly
2
Walk with me o
2
and before I realized it,
2
to say something, but
2
returned to the past, but I
2
y walked me to
2
ooking back, but he suddenl
2
back in
2
e you th
2
thought this time, like bef
2
inue to be
2
s if it we
2
ended by h
2
riend, familiar but distan
2
estrained, trying not
2
s if he wanted t
2
ht say somethi
2
rst, "I'm
2
just walked most of the way around the
2
onships, from freshman year to senior year,
2
rse, was on the s
2
d quietly breathed
2
"At least I don't