ding in the window, my bedroom lights on full blast, revealing me in all my sneaky glory. You stare at me wide-eyed, and then you slam the door shut, and even after everything you've d

cialization, without talking to anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I'm invisible. I feel like the old people who used to annoy me by making unnecessary small talk while I waited in line behind them, trying to get to the next place. When you have nowhere to go, time slows down a lot. I find myself noticing people more, catching their eye more, or seeking eye contact. Now I walk around ready to talk to anyone about anything; my day would be so much better if someone would look me in the eye, or if there was someone to talk to. But everyone is so busy, and that makes me feel invisible; and invisibility, contrary to what I used to think, does not bring any sense of lightness or freedom. In fact, it makes me feel heavy. And so I drag myself around, trying to convince myself that I don't feel heavy, invisible, bored and useless, and that I am free. I don't convince myself very well. Another bad thing about being laid off is that my father shows up uninvited. He's in the front yard with my stepsister Zara when I get home. Zara is three years old, my dad is sixty-three. He retired from his printing business three years ago, after selling it for a very good price that allows him to live a comfortable life. Since Zara was born, he has become a devoted husband and father, while his new wife, Leilah, works as a yoga teacher in her own studio. It's great that my dad has found a second chance at love, and also that he has been able to truly embrace fatherhood for the first time in his life. He has taken on the diaper changes, the night feeds, the weaning, and everything else that raising a daughter has thrown at him. He beams every day with the pride he feels in her, this remarkable little girl who can do amazing things all on her own. Grow, walk, talk. He marvels at her genius, and tells long stories about all the things she did that day, the funny things she said, the clever drawing she made, at such a young age. Like I said, it's great. Great. But he sees it all with the joy of the first time, as a beginner, someone who has never seen t