The Love That Returns from Afar

[1]

For nine years, I've harbored feelings for a man almost twice my age, all while enduring the harsh judgment of those around me.

[2]

Last week, I finally mustered the courage to confess to him, and he turned me down. Now, just a week later, he's brought a new girlfriend to a family dinner at my place.

[3]

I cornered him as he left for the bathroom and asked,

[4]

"Did you get a girlfriend just to get me to give up on you?"

[5]

He answered calmly,

[6]

"No. I was just lonely."

[7]

1

[8]

My infatuation with Kieran Harris began when I was a freshman.

[9]

Back then, he was thirty-five, single and free-spirited, wandering wherever he pleased with his camera slung over his shoulder. He'd traveled far and wide, capturing photos that became iconic in photography circles.

[10]

Since I also studied photography, I'd heard the stories of his adventures and admired him from a distance. I even thought about asking him to mentor me, but I held back. I didn't want him to think I was trying to use any connection or impose myself on him.

[11]

Instead, I took the most straightforward route I could think of – whenever I had time, I'd grab my camera and track him down.

[12]

Kieran wasn't exactly chatty. Most of our early encounters consisted of me talking to fill the silence.

[13]

But, after a few months, something clicked – maybe I finally complimented him in just the right way – and he agreed to discuss photography with me.

[14]

That day, though, he seemed particularly quiet, his gaze low and his demeanor distant.

[15]

The cold white light from above highlighted the chiseled lines of his face, casting him in a melancholic glow, as though each of those lines held secrets from years past.

[16]

I couldn't help but be drawn to him, to fall deeper than I ever intended.

[17]

After that, I threw myself into photography with real passion, hoping to walk the same roads he had, see the same views, and perhaps understand the world through his lens.

[18]

I had little talent, but I was relentless.

[19]

He never praised me, nor did he acknowledge me as a student of his, but he did start talking to me more, especially about our shared interests.

[20]

Every word meant a lot to me.

[21]

But before long, he left photography abruptly to pursue a business career. No one knew why.

[22]

"It's a shame,"

[23]

my dad had said when he heard the news.

[24]

They'd known each other a long time, and Dad rambled on about it for ages.

[25]

Kieran only glanced my way and, with his usual calm, said,

[26]

"Madalyn has real potential. She'll go further than I ever did on this path."

[27]

His words left me breathless, my heart pounding, and the smile tugging at my lips was impossible to hide.

[28]

Back then, I actually thought I might have a chance.

[29]

2

[30]

"Why not me?"

[31]

I asked, my voice breaking slightly. "I could also..."

[32]

It was hard to keep my emotions in check.

[33]

After all, for years, it's been me who's always been by his side.

[34]

I cared about him the most.

[35]

So why, when I'd waited so long for him, had he chosen to give his heart to someone else?

[36]

Before I could finish, my dad came around the corner, his expression thunderous.

[37]

"Kieran, you should go.

[38]

This is family business; no outsiders needed here."

[39]

I looked at Kieran, searching for some flicker of support – not out of fear,

[40]

but because I wanted him to say something.

[41]

Whether it was to scold me or defend me, I just wanted him to acknowledge what I was feeling, to show that I wasn't in this alone.

[42]

But he didn't even look back. He left with his new girlfriend without a second glance.

[43]

My father's face flushed with anger, his jaw tight.

[44]

"Get those filthy thoughts out of your head. I'm still alive, you know!"

[45]

I didn't deny or defend myself, nor did I admit I was wrong.

[46]

My father reached for his belt, about to hit me.

[47]

Then a loud and insistent knock at the door interrupted him, sounding like someone would kick it in if they had to.

[48]

My heart pounded, and I sprinted to the door, hoping it was him.

[49]

But it wasn't Kieran.

[50]

The disappointment washed over me in waves, stronger and stronger.

[51]

It was one of my father's most challenging clients, coming by to invite him out to discuss business over dinner.

[52]

The timing was suspicious, and I couldn't help but wonder if Kieran had a hand in this.

[53]

I clung tightly to the faintest sliver of hope, desperately searching for anything that might convince me it wasn't entirely in vain.

[54]

Before leaving, my dad gave me a severe look.

[55]

"You'd better start thinking about the family's reputation. Got it?"

[56]

Yes, they all had reputations to protect.

[57]

Meanwhile, my dignity lay trampled on the ground, ignored and unimportant.

[58]

I tossed and turned that night, unable to sleep, poring over every moment with him, looking for anything I might have missed, some clue.

[59]

In the end, the pain drove me out of bed. I threw on heavy club makeup and went out.

[60]

In a crowded place, loneliness felt a little less sharp.

[61]

I hadn't expected to run into Kieran at the bar entrance.

[62]

He blocked my path, a cigarette between his lips, his face cold and distant under the dim lights.

[63]

"It's late. Go home."

[64]

I gritted my teeth and tried to shove past him.

[65]

"Sorry, I don't know you. Please move."

[66]

A guy pushing forty, staying up at this hour? He's definitely asking for a receding hairline, I thought.

[67]

I tried to walk past him.

[68]

He took a step back, still blocking my way. We were close enough that I could smell the faint hint of alcohol on him.

[69]

It was something he almost never touched. I knew that much.

[70]

So what was eating away at him this time?

[71]

Kieran took a drag from his cigarette, his eyes narrowed in the grayish haze, radiating a brooding, almost careless allure.

[72]

A moment later, he leaned close, his voice a low murmur.

[73]

"How do you think I should handle a kid throwing a tantrum?"

[74]

My mind went blank. It took a while to snap back and regain my composure. I averted my gaze.

[75]

"Kieran, what exactly are you doing? Stop messing with me."

[76]

He chuckled bitterly, a rare hint of anger in his voice.

[77]

"Madalyn, you have no idea what's out there. The world isn't just some romance novel."

[78]

In his photography days, Kieran was all sharp edges, one icy stare enough to silence anyone.

[79]

People thought he was the danger.

[80]

Now, after years in business, he'd mellowed, adopting a reserved, easygoing attitude, but tonight, he'd broken that streak, coming across as relentless, almost obsessive.

[81]

After a beat of hesitation, I couldn't help but ask,

[82]

"Do you care about me?"

[83]

For a brief moment, I thought I saw a flicker of panic in his eyes.

[84]

"Don't overthink it. I'm an older family friend, that's all."

[85]

He reached out to pat my head like he was consoling some lovesick kid.

[86]

I brushed off his hand, barely able to keep my voice steady.

[87]

"Since you think I'm full of romantic nonsense, maybe you should just stay far away.

[88]

I'd hate to cling to you."

[89]

That word – cling – seemed to startle him.

[90]

He just stood there, looking out over the street, and let me go without another word.

[91]

The lights inside the bar were dim and erratic, the music deafening.

[92]

I downed drink after drink at the counter, and by the time I stumbled toward the exit, I was unsteady, my steps faltering until I fell into someone's arms.

[93]

Before I could even react, a hand gripped my shoulder, pulling me back.

[94]

I looked up at the familiar figure, my hazy vision unable to make out the details, but I instinctively wanted to move closer, to stay in his orbit.

[95]

The figure let out a strained sigh, his voice rough.

[96]

"Don't move."

[97]

"Then be my boyfriend, just for a day?"

[98]

I whispered, tilting his chin up and giving him the briefest kiss.

[99]

"Even just one day."

[100]

I gazed at him.

[101]

"I've liked you for so long. Just one day – please?"

[102]

Everything after that was a blur.

[103]

But in my heart, I was convinced it had to have been Kieran.

[104]

The next morning, I woke up sprawled across a hotel bed, my head pounding.

[105]

I was still piecing the night together when I heard a man's voice.

[106]

"You're awake?"

[107]

"Kieran?"

[108]

I asked.

[109]

I sat up immediately, but froze when I saw him.

[110]

This wasn't Kieran. It was a stranger, a young man I'd never met before.

[111]

Panic settled over me, my fingers shaking as I asked,

[112]

"Last night, was it... you...?"

[113]

I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.

[114]

He handed me a bottle of water.

[115]

"You drank a lot last night. Threw up a few times. Here – this'll help you feel better."

[116]

3

[117]

Even as I left the hotel, I was still in a daze.

[118]

The events of last night felt like an unrealistic dream.

[119]

Was I really that desperate for Kieran?

[120]

"Shall I

[121]

take you home?"

[122]

The boy from last night had been quietly following me, rushing forward to steady me when I nearly tripped over a step.

[123]

I quickly pulled away,

[124]

scanning the faces around us nervously.

[125]

"No. Just... don't follow me, okay?"

[126]

He seemed to understand my need for discretion, nodding silently and backing off.

[127]

I walked faster toward the street, but just before I got into the car, I stole one more look back at him.

[128]

He had kind, earnest features, a clean, unassuming face.

[129]

It left me with an odd sense of guilt, as if I'd somehow taken advantage of a genuinely decent guy.

[130]

When I got home, I realized I'd lost my keys somewhere.

[131]

With no way inside, I ended up just sitting on the edge of the steps, staring blankly at nothing.

[132]

I don't know how much time passed before a shadow fell across me, breaking my trance.

[133]

I looked up to see Kieran standing there, his face backlit by the afternoon sun. The light caught his high cheekbones and the faint lines around his eyes, giving him a warmth I didn't usually see.

[134]

I froze, locked in place, just staring up at him, unable to say anything. It felt as if, for a brief moment, he was part of a story I hadn't dared imagine.

[135]

Then, without a word, he knelt down to check my forehead, his hand cool against my skin.

[136]

"What's wrong?

[137]

Are you feeling sick?"

[138]

The care in his voice almost brought tears to my eyes.

[139]

"No... I'm fine."

[140]

He paused, seeming to measure his next words.

[141]

"Take better care of yourself. Don't stay up late, and stay away from alcohol."

[142]

I mumbled something noncommittal, trying to hold back everything I didn't want to say.

[143]

But he sat down next to me, ignoring my resistance.

[144]

"I just had lunch with your parents and dropped them off.

[145]

Your dad's not upset with you anymore. We talked things through."

[146]

My breath hitched.

[147]

"Oh? And what did you say to him? That I was being ridiculous and you were just maintaining boundaries?

[148]

Throwing in a few business deals to smooth things over?"

[149]

He smiled slightly, pretending not to notice the bite in my voice.

[150]

After a few moments, he sighed, a sound so soft it was almost a whisper, and stood up to go.

[151]

"You should head in; it's too hot out here."

[152]

For some reason, his gentle reminder hurt more than I'd expected. I wanted to reach out, to ask him to stay just a bit longer.

[153]

But the thought of last night held me back.

[154]

Caught up in the moment, I found myself rushing after him.

[155]

"Mr. Harris, I won't be difficult anymore."

[156]

I hadn't called him "Mr. Harris" in years. It was always just "Kieran."

[157]

This change in address – it had to mean something to him.

[158]

It meant I'd finally let go of the childish, hidden love I'd clung to for so long. I wouldn't continue the secret chase for something forever out of reach, a lonely journey chasing a star I'd never hold.

[159]

I was letting him go. And I was letting myself go, too.

[160]

He froze, his shoulders tight, his expression unreadable as he gave a brief nod.

[161]

"Good," he said softly, before picking up his pace and disappearing down the street.

[162]

And with that, the world seemed to lose its color. Everything felt dull and empty without him.

[163]

When I got back inside, I tried to escape to my room, but my mother stopped me.

[164]

"Why didn't you come home last night?"

[165]

she questioned.

[166]

I forced a smile, fighting to sound casual.

[167]

"I was out with friends and lost track of time."

[168]

She looked like she wanted to say more but just patted my shoulder, letting it go.

[169]

At dinner, I kept up the facade, acting as if nothing had happened.

[170]

But halfway through the meal, my dad cleared his throat, putting on his authoritative "head of the family" tone.

[171]

"Tomorrow, dress up a bit. I want you to come with me to a gathering. I've got a friend with a son – really outstanding."

[172]

My hand froze mid-reach for the food, and he continued,

[173]

"Madalyn, it's time to show a little maturity."

[174]

Yes, it was time. I couldn't really turn my life into a joke.

[175]

I could feel their silent disappointment, their quiet concern.

[176]

They didn't want me chasing some fantasy; they wanted me to live a stable, conventional life.

[177]

I nodded, not bothering to show any hint of emotion.

[178]

"All right."

[179]

4

[180]

The blind date was a disaster – two things happened that made it impossible for me to keep up the polite, demure act I'd promised myself to maintain in that quiet corner booth.

[181]

First, the person my father had set me up with, Tristan Griffiths, turned out to be the boy from the hotel that night.

[182]

Second, the real matchmaker behind this setup was Kieran.

[183]

After walking out in front of everyone, I whipped out my phone and dialed Kieran's number.

[184]

The ringing in my ear felt like pins piercing my skin, each second dragging out painfully.

[185]

Finally, the call connected.

[186]

I blurted out,

[187]

"Kieran, where are you? I need to see you – right now!"

[188]

There was a brief pause before a soft, gentle female voice replied,

[189]

"Oh, don't worry, just tell me what's happened. Kieran's in the bathroom; I can pass him the message when he's back."

[190]

My heart sank instantly, ice spreading through my limbs, cold and painful. I leaned back against the wall, struggling to breathe.

[191]

After a long pause, I finally managed to mumble,

[192]

"It's nothing."

[193]

I hung up, turned off my phone, and stared at the floor.

[194]

Whether this was a coincidence or something he'd planned no longer mattered.

[195]

None of it mattered now.

[196]

It was all pointless.

[197]

With my legs barely holding me up, I stumbled out of the restaurant and let myself drift along with the crowd, not really looking where I was going.

[198]

I eventually stopped, only to find myself locking eyes with Tristan.

[199]

His soft, worried gaze held a depth that seemed to see right through me, and his lips were pressed into a tense line.

[200]

"Did I say something wrong?"

[201]

he asked.

[202]

It wasn't him; it was his father mentioning Kieran.

[203]

He'd said,

[204]

"Kieran isn't the type to praise others lightly. If he speaks highly of you, there's something special about you for sure."

[205]

I leaned against a nearby pillar, trying to mask my bitterness with a casual tone.

[206]

"So, do you know what Kieran said about me?"

[207]

Tristan answered with caution, as if he were trying to handle a skittish animal. I probably looked like one to him, coming off as erratic and hypersensitive.

[208]

"Mr. Harris said you're smart,

[209]

beautiful, and strong-willed."

[210]

I let out a laugh, doubling over with the effort. Between bursts of laughter, I looked up and asked,

[211]

"And what do you think?"

[212]

He was silent, a flicker of something uncertain crossing his gaze.

[213]

Finally, after my laughter faded, he spoke,

[214]

"Madalyn, I'd like to know you for myself, not through someone else's words."

[215]

"Oh?"

[216]

I replied, twirling a strand of hair as I leaned in closer, mischief flaring in my gaze.

[217]

"Then don't blame me if what you find is nauseating."

[218]

I was so close I could hear him swallow.