[4]
Crying isn't for girls like me. This was the first lesson I learned when we became childhood sweethearts.
[5]
1
[6]
I met Gavin Marsh when I was just nine years old.
[7]
My parents had moved to this city for work, and our families became neighbors.
[8]
When my mom introduced me to him, I timidly stood behind my mother, looking at the handsome boy in front of me who was a bit too arrogant.
[9]
I wanted to get closer to him, yet instinctively felt a sense of danger.
[10]
In the end, I nervously extended my hand, offering him a peach-flavored lollipop I had been saving.
[11]
He swatted it away and shouted to his mom,
[12]
"I don't want to play with this lummox!"
[13]
That was the first nickname he gave me, and for the next ten years, I rarely heard him call me by my real name.
[14]
He never addressed me properly, always giving me teasing nicknames. And then only after I am about to lose my temper completely, he called my name. He also ordered me to do various things for him.
[15]
And every time, I fell for it.
[16]
I inherited my dad's height, so when other girls were still petite little sparrows, I was already the awkwardly conspicuous owl among them.
[17]
And because I had to transfer schools with my parents, I ended up staying in the same grade for another year.
[18]
Girls mature earlier than boys, so among the kids, I would always be the one who stands out the most.
[19]
But my height didn't serve as a shield.
[20]
A quiet, timid girl who stood out so much was naturally an easy target.
[21]
Yet when I was cornered by a group of boys and girls in the school bathroom and they drenched me with a can of cola, Gavin burst in.
[22]
I had never seen him like that before; he was like a fierce protector, hitting everyone, even the girls.
[23]
On the way home, I followed him silently, tears streaming down my face, my wet hair sticking to my scalp, sticky and disgusting.
[24]
Gavin stopped, turned around, and looked up at me.
[25]
"Stop crying. Crying isn't for girls like you, don't you know?" He said.
[26]
I covered my mouth.
[27]
Perhaps it was because of his life-saving act, I developed a deep attachment to Gavin, similar to a baby bird's attachment to its mother.
[28]
Before I even understood what liking someone was, I had already become blinded by his presence.
[29]
Over the years, he dated girls, and I made restaurant reservations for him; he took girls skiing, and I booked the venues; even he went to a hotel with Everleigh, and I paid the deposit.
[30]
When introducing me to others, he would always throw an arm around my shoulder and say,
[31]
"This is my buddy of over ten years, Eliza."
[32]
He had long since grown taller than me, by a head.
[33]
Even with my height, I had to look up to see his jawline and those sharp, handsome features.
[34]
But at those times, all I could do was straighten my back and smile in agreement , then said,
[35]
"Yes, I've known him for over ten years."
[36]
And I've liked him for those ten years. Those following words I could only say to myself.
[37]
2
[38]
Gavin and I both stayed in the local area for college.
[39]
On the day of registration, I helped him settle into his dormitory and only then returned to my dormitory to start tidying up my own things.
[40]
Someone pushed the door open, and when I looked up, it was Everleigh, his girlfriend.
[41]
Gavin had never mentioned that his girlfriend was attending the same university as us; he rarely talked about her at all.
[42]
I thought she would be like his previous girlfriends, who would eventually be replaced by the next one.
[43]
I hadn't expected them to attend the same university. Did this mean he was serious about her?
[44]
Before I could think further, Everleigh's phone rang. She answered with a sweet expression, and her was voice playful and soft.
[45]
I realized it was Gavin on the other end.
[46]
Feeling like I had stumbled upon a secret, I hurriedly gathered my clothes and pretended to go do laundry, pushing the door open to leave.
[47]
As I closed the door, I heard Gavin's voice through the phone, deep and captivating.
[48]
He said,
[49]
"How about I take you out for dinner?"
[50]
He chuckled softly after saying that.
[51]
I stood stunned outside the door.
[52]
I had never heard him speak to his girlfriend in that tone before.
[53]
His past girlfriends either took care of his moods like I did or liked getting angry too much, eventually leading to a breakup.
[54]
At that moment, I realized with painful clarity that he was serious with campus beauty.
[55]
"He's serious, Eliza,"
[56]
I told myself.
[57]
Suddenly, there was a spasm in my chest, like being struck by electricity, and a cramping pain filled my chest.
[58]
I crouched down, burying my head in my knees.
[59]
Over the years, I had considered giving up on him.
[60]
Before he became the heartbreaker he is now, there was a summer when he first liked a girl, secretly.
[61]
He would quietly place her favorite drink in her drawer and bring her breakfast, wrapping it in clothes to keep it warm.
[62]
These were all things I used to do for him.
[63]
For the first time, I told myself to let him go.
[64]
But I couldn't.
[65]
Ever since he pulled me out of the bathroom when I was nine, watching over him and caring for him seemed to become instinctual to me.
[66]
He was like the medicine that I had relied on for over a decade, and the withdrawal were too painful, and I couldn't quit.
[67]
Yet, the girl he first liked, named Samantha Wheeler, ultimately rejected him.
[68]
I still remembered that day. Samantha walked in briskly, placed the things Gavin had given her back on her desk, and said, "Being overly kind without a reason can make you lose your sense of self.
[69]
Take care
[70]
of yourself."
[71]
As she said this, she looked at me.
[72]
3
[73]
When I returned to the dormitory, Everleigh was putting on makeup.
[74]
She saw me in the mirror and smiled to me.
[75]
I felt a bit nervous and nodded back.
[76]
In the past, Gavin's girlfriends had only two attitudes towards me, either ignoring or being hostile.
[77]
It was the first time I encountered such friendliness, and I wasn't quite used to it.
[78]
But at least I didn't have to hide away like a snail to minimize my presence anymore.
[79]
I hoped we could get along normally in the future, I thought.
[80]
Everleigh had already begun to tidy up her hair. I caught a glimpse of her gathering her hair and tying it into a bun.
[81]
The more I looked, the more something seemed off.
[82]
She reminded me of someone.
[83]
Who was it?
[84]
Then it hit me. She looked just like Samantha back in the day with her hair up.
[85]
I suddenly wanted to laugh.
[86]
So, it wasn't just me who had been yearning in vain for over a decade.
[87]
4
[88]
Gavin, campus beauty, and I were assigned to the same class, Fashion Design Class 01.
[89]
A senior from the student council saw my previous work and hoped I could design an outfit for the host of the welcome party.
[90]
In class, while I was drafting, campus beauty came over.
[91]
She glanced at my design and sweetly said,
[92]
"What a beautiful dress, did you design it yourself?"
[93]
I didn't say anything, just nodded in response.
[94]
Everleigh touched the fabric and suddenly smiled at me, saying, "Eliza, could you make a dress for me too?
[95]
I am worried about not being able to find a suitable outfit for the welcome party.
[96]
It doesn't have to be too complicated. You're so talented,
[97]
I'm sure you can whip it up quickly!"
[98]
Gavin heard her voice and looked over here.
[99]
Seeing this, campus beauty went over to him and took hold of his arm and playfully said,
[100]
"Gavin, you want to see me in a dress, too, right?"
[101]
Though she was speaking to him, her eyes darted towards me.
[102]
Gavin shifted his gaze back to his drawing and casually said to me,
[103]
"Help her out when you have time."
[104]
I clenched the fabric, forcing myself to straighten my back, and said, "Sorry, I'm busy making this dress for the senior.
[105]
I really don't have time."
[106]
Gavin looked at me in surprise.
[107]
This must have been a new feeling for him.
[108]
Based on past experiences, this was such a small matter he wouldn't even think twice about.
[109]
Just like when he casually asked me to book hotels and venues for him and his girlfriends.
[110]
He would mention it offhandedly, and I would go through the trouble, but he never asked about the process.
[111]
But for the first time, on such a small matter, I didn't comply.
[112]
5
[113]
The welcome party still hit a snag.
[114]
Just before it started, the dress I designed for the senior went missing.
[115]
I had clearly brought it to the backstage and stored it in the wardrobe.
[116]
The wardrobe was communal and had no lock.
[117]
But who would take a party dress?
[118]
I got my answer when campus beauty sang the opening song.
[119]
The dress I had spent three sleepless nights making was on her.
[120]
The pearl mermaid gown accentuated her figure, and the spotlight on stage made her look like a fairytale princess singing on stage.
[121]
I could already hear boys whistling from the audience.
[122]
The senior approached me in a fury. And just as I was about to explain, campus beauty came off stage and rushed over, grabbing my hand, saying, "Eliza, thank you for making the dress.
[123]
It's so beautiful, and the success of my performance is all thanks to you."
[124]
The senior looked at her, then at me, expecting an explanation.
[125]
I lowered my head and said, "It wasn't me.
[126]
I didn't design a dress for her.
[127]
This dress was made for you."
[128]
Everleigh immediately let go of my hand, and said, "Eliza, what are you talking about?
[129]
You promised to make this dress
[130]
for me."
[131]
Her friend chimed in,
[132]
"Yeah, we all heard it in class."
[133]
Gavin happened to walk into the backstage, probably to pick up campus beauty and take her to the audience stand.
[134]
She took his arm and asked,
[135]
"You heard Eliza agree to design a dress for me in class, right?"
[136]
Gavin saw the senior's displeased face and immediately understood what was happening.
[137]
I bit my lip, hoping he would say something for me, just one sentence, just the truth.
[138]
He lowered his head and said,
[139]
"I don't know."
[140]
I released my teeth from biting my lip.
[141]
Of course.
[142]
He knew very well that campus beauty was deliberately undermining me.
[143]
Being a female buddy by his boyfriend's side for over ten years was something no girlfriend could tolerate.
[144]
Even if anyone could see he had no feelings for me.
[145]
But he liked her, so he tolerated her deliberately undermining me.
[146]
Tolerating her meant sacrificing me.
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