ella

eeping throu

nce I figured out how he liked to be swaddled - tight and tucked with his cheek resting on my ches

me...

s alw

too quiet. My th

s. Other nights, I'd just lie still, eyes locked on the ceiling, listening to Cl

it

nd. Because for the first time in my life... I had something that was mine. N

e

a

i

-

gs no one else ever

. How to hide money in a loaf of bread, and how to know when someone

up like a sponge

sharpened me. Made me more alert.

as the summer heat rolled in. My hands grew

rief - but it wasn't

pact. Tucked behind my r

a wo

eap

-

t the market who

fingernails. Skinny like a stray. He stared at me while I pi

dn't

t loo

eyes blank a

ant to ove

I

urse

ter the dishes were done, she oiled the hinges on the bac

in

-

ame with

ut past the border. Whispers that made the

were asking abou

ct. Didn't flinc

ery runs and started pla

in

to move. I c

some

o

-

writing th

rs. Not c

a

pe r

we'd need to vanis

d. But pretending I had a choice would

. The places without them. I buried pesos in co

people. Really

looked at m

lingered n

that felt too cas

o feel like warnings. A nod. A turn

sts in ev

was pa

finally learnin

-

s warmth grounding me. A book lay open in my lap, but I wasn't reading. My eyes were fixed on the town,

lmost be

mo

en I f

creeping chill that wraps around

was watc

I didn't want to spook them

hter and let my eyes d

th

ment. N

gut s

ht, I to

o move. T

idn't

eyes d

loser than

-

s hair. Stories about wolves and fire. About little boys with steel in t

m I wasn'

as a

s lies are l

-

er old truck. Food. Water.

oing. Didn't care. All I kne

he doorway. A kiss. A

ing and climbed into the passe

d blur behind us - the jacaranda tr

ife I might n

t leavi

graveyard of w

-

r's love is soft

ine w

fear. Sharpened on sleepless nights

e was

ded it wit

iliano. To cut down anyone who came for h

dn't h

ldn't

was a

ready to

-